A Dim Mirror

Ok Ok … I’m putting the soapbox away and actually going to go against what might be my better judgment (This in itself is a paradox as if I am lacking in judgment how do I know if I am having good judgment to begin with). For all the talk that I did in my last post about video games I am going to get in my car and go see what potential there is. To be honest I am not sure what I am going to find down there as I have been removed from being a member of the world. Now I come and view from the outside looking in, and I’m not sure what I will see.

I know on the surface I will see a large number of individuals playing computer games and having a good time. What I am scared of is finding out what is underneath that facade. I think one of the dangers is seeing my own dark side, or at least a shadow of it. Understand that I am aware that I still have my dark side tendencies. I normally don’t have to go very far either. Now as an ‘outsider’ looking in what will I see? Or maybe better yet is what will my reaction be?

One of [Professor] Chap’s biggest things about doing youth ministry is to be looking at a group of kids and to see, understand, and feel for the kids; and as a result be unable to hold back the tears. One of my mentors in my younger years commented on the difference between seeing the crowd and seeing the faces of the individuals. I have seen the crowd most of my life, and while I have seen the individual faces it was a smaller group and there was no crowd to blur the lines. To be talking to a larger group of people and to see the difference between the crowd, as a single unit, and the individual faces. To see the individual needs, wants, aspirations, pains, joys, sorrows, trials, and so on.

One of the topics of discussion that came up in our foundations small group was a youth pastor’s role; specifically in the difference between being a friend and being an authority figure, spiritual as it may be. My personal mode is of a friend; I have not been in the situation where I had to be the authority figure. I take that back, I choose not to be in at least one situation. (It is a good story, but not presently applicable.)

What am I going to see when I go down there … I’m not sure. I am sure I will see glimpses of myself. I am sure I will see glimpses of my future ministry without knowing it. But I am not so sure I will see the faces come out of the crowd.

Note: After typing this whole thing I looked on my calendar and realized I am working on that night … figures.