I Don't Know

It isn’t quite finals week but it feels like it…

“Only when grace is recognized to be incomprehensible is it grace.” - Karl Barth

Turned in a paper on Wednesday (the 23rd) regarding Karl Barth and Adolf von Harnack. And while the paper is done, this quote still comes back around to bother me and comfort me all at the same time. Last night was no different as the Presby group on campus had their graduation banquet and one of the main points of the evening was being a steward of the mysteries of God.

Now … I find myself a very practical, logistical, almost strategic person. When doing a task I normally can see most of the angles and many of the problems that could arise from any number of situations. I am a firm believer in Murphy’s Law and to some extent enjoy a good challenge. Yet through all of this I try to be aware of where and when God moves through all of these things. I have seen moderately planned events that should have been stressful turn out like roses. I have seen the most structured plans go off the deep end and drown. In both of these cases I have seen God affect lives and work through hearts.

It is in these mysteries that I find an odd combination of peace and nervousness. I want to understand, I want to know, I want to have something tangible to grab onto. I want to have a little bit of God in a box, just to say that I understand that much. That isn’t to say that I don’t understand the purpose of everything that has been done, but the ‘how?’ and from time to time the ‘why?’ trip me up. When dealing with a mystery we, or at least I, want to find out the answer. And where there is no answer, then I have to accept the fact that it is a mystery and … be OK with that? …

I forget how one of my professors put it but the basic idea was to ‘dwell with the mysteries of God.’ Dwell is an interesting word and it is almost ‘living by choice’ rather than just ‘being among.’ I think there are some mysteries that I dwell with, although I can’t describe them. Other mysteries have maybe come over and spent the night. Perhaps there are some that I dwell with that I don’t even know about. More than anything I think the acceptance of the mysteries of God allows me to say ‘I don’t know.’ And there is a peace in those words, some tension, but a peace an humbling that works as a reminder to recognize that there are things that are incomprehensible.