Blood and Tears

I finally found my brother’s blog tonight …

Strangely enough he posted yesterday, and seems to only post when he is getting all fired up, and thus I only see the hurt side. Yet within all this pain and struggle he has paid me two comments of genuine respect that have not only touched me deeply, but they have also allowed me to see him, and feel his pain. I barely have the words, yet I’m sure my tears could speak more than any words could ever do justice.

This isn’t really for any of my friend’s benefit, but rather for my brother’s. I know he reads my blog from time to time, and probably understands me more as we spent a few years growing up together, but what gets me is that he is excited for me and my moving through Seminary. I don’t quite get why as it probably means we agree to disagree about the nature of God and the universe. Yet at the same time I do understand, if only because I am excited to see where his life takes him. The both of us really had a few years after college where we were still trying to figure out what to do with our lives. I had only just begun to understand God’s call on my life, and my brother was figuring out his own life. Now the both of us are stepping into our lives and finally figuring out what we want to do with them … aside from having fun.

I don’t think I would ever call my brother the black sheep of the family and mean it. I can’t begin to describe the challenge that Luke 15:11 and following scare me sometimes, sometimes I wonder if this case there are two men on the porch waiting.

My emotions are kinda out of whack right now, but I think they have been moved to the right place.