Thoughts that Haunt me …

It is now Sunday night … this has been going since about Friday mid-day

It started with an emotional snap. Those who are within my closer group of friends and know my immediate life get two guesses but should only need one. I’m not going to discuss that here, as it seems very minor in the grand scheme of things. What followed was about 20 hrs of work over a stretch of 36 hr stretch.

Mimeistry is a performing arts group that uses dance, mime, and comedy for the sole purpose of delivering the Gospel message. Their campus overlaps with William Carey International University. They have summer intensive learning classes near the end of July and their performing troupe was doing their fund raising on Fuller Campus through the Brehm Center. Friday was about 10 hrs of Tech/Dress rehearsal followed by 2 shows on Saturday. Aside from being really good at what they do, some of those images are still haunting me, as well as the music. To put it in perspective: I have learned to play one of the songs. Twenty hours … little tired.

Third ingredient: Systematic Theology of Ecclesiology, which is just a fancy way of saying what makes a church, church? I am Presbyterian by creed which means that I’m supposed to believe that the church is one thing (and from what I understand I do think that way, or I wouldn’t have gone to church this morning) and while there is room for some of my other understandings of what makes up an ecclesiology. Most of these are centered on my like for a sort of charismatic worship energy, something where I can ‘feel’ the presence of God.

And now for the fun part … season with short sleep, and restless sleep (I literally just came out from Ratatouille, sorry for all the cooking references) Snap leads into work, which shows me a glimpse of some who have embraced a ministry call, leading to a looking at my own call, and maybe trying to figure out how to take all the new information I have and combine it with the old. Mix in little sleep and a mind that has been trying to work on all of this at the same time.

I’m pretty much emotionally, mentally, and physically done. It is about 10pm and I doubt my mind will let me get more than 5 hrs tonight (I can hope for more). Yet it is the following words that haunt me:

(Chorus)
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

(Bridge)
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!

- Tears of the Saints by Leeland
(Yahoo login needed for the video, but the audio is on their myspace page as well)

I am brought back to the passage that haunts Chap Clark (Mark 10:13-16) in his ministry. So much of his natural being is emulated within those verses and much of his ministry philosophy resonates with me on levels that I am only beginning to understand. God and I are very far from done with this conversation, and I’m not sure that the goal of this weekend was to just be ‘having a conversation.’ There are times that I want to stop and regroup, and God lets me be for a bit, but the conversation always continues at a latter point.

I have so many mental images from the Mimeistry show, so many questions in talking with God, countless requests for rest and sleep. The images haunt, the questions nag, and sleep is restless. At this point I had expected the weekend to be long, and that God was going to do some work on my heart, I didn’t realize that he was going to fiddle around with some other things while he was in there. I know they are being fixed for the better, but for now the work is not done, so it still hurts. Or in my case haunts my every hour.