I’m finding that life, in general, is fuzzy for me. Not like cute cuddly fuzzy but more like your not sure if the fuzzy has retractable claws and is waiting to maul on you. Not exactly my favorite place to be, but I’m there none-the-less.
Most of it is a … well I don’t want to say wrestling match … but more of a discussion and talking out with God surrounding a variety of issues. The one that seems to be surfacing more often than not is ‘what happens in 5 months?’ That is starting to settle down and take shape but it is only a 3 month thing so the question is morphing into ‘what happens at the start of 2009. Those of you who I have mentioned this too have some idea about what I’ll be doing but for everyone else … I have an internship at Highlands Adventure church in Paso Robles that is almost finalized. For a little background this is a church that is about 2 years old, still classified as a church plan and has over 500 members. This year they had 1500 for Easter and 750 on low/cannonball Sunday (Sunday after Easter). Something up there is being done right and I’m very interested to see what is going on.
The other has been God nurturing me through an emotional and spiritual dry period. I have been pulling out my songs in minor keys, songs of feeling down, songs of trials and turning to God. They aren’t always the most enjoyable to sing, but they always seem to resonate with my mood. For some reason they always come in pairs though. A song that I’m going to sing for the public on Monday (Apr 28) that matches my mood almost verbatim, has been paired by a song that I would like to do as a corporate worship song. Both songs are a little out of my range but I think I can get the ‘mood’ song. The other I would probably drop for worship, but is one of those songs that catches the soul and draws one into worship. We will see … it doesn’t sound good if I’m the only one playing guitar either …
For all of this school seems to always be looming over my head. It is harder with most of my classes starting to shift towards the technical and nitty-gritty and is just hard to sit through. While I’m finding a new appreciation (and definition) for theology, it is still sometimes difficult to wrap my head around ideas.
Through all of this there is light at the end of the tunnel, although it is a little sad. My friend Sophie has taken a call (got a pastoral job) in Texas. There is hope, and while I will be sad to lose a friend in presence, I am exceedingly excited for her.
Came up for a quick breath and now back to school, back when I come back up for some more air.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I Wanna get off the Ride Now
It is the first week of classes and I’m already spent; Physically, Mentally, Emotionally. Classes are, at best, what seem like mundane distractions. It isn’t so much that I don’t like them, but I “don’t have the emotional bandwidth” to deal with them (thanks Starla). About 25% of my iTunes library is off limits for one reason or another, and I repeat the axiom laid out by Jeff Bjork: ‘Enough: Enough is what God gives you.’
I’m not going to go into the full details but I am more broken now than I think I have ever been in my entire life. Questions that have no answers keep me up at night or wake me up every 2 hrs; either that or answers that only provide more questions.
On the good side of things I have never felt more like a prophet than I do now, the irony being that the prophecy would affect me directly. About 2 months ago I got up in front of chapel to reflect about community in front of the Presbyterian community. What was about a 5 min off the top of my head reflection is summed up along the lines of …
Never have I been so thankful for the friendships that I have here at Seminary. Some that have never experienced strife, others that were forged through conflict, and some that just fell into my lap out of nowhere. While I want to get off the ride, my friends have chosen to get on the ride with me and help me through the hard times.
Thank you.
I’m not going to go into the full details but I am more broken now than I think I have ever been in my entire life. Questions that have no answers keep me up at night or wake me up every 2 hrs; either that or answers that only provide more questions.
On the good side of things I have never felt more like a prophet than I do now, the irony being that the prophecy would affect me directly. About 2 months ago I got up in front of chapel to reflect about community in front of the Presbyterian community. What was about a 5 min off the top of my head reflection is summed up along the lines of …
This community is a group of people, we are not a structure of chapel or the structure of church, but rather we are a church of broken, stupid, foolish, sinful people (of which I think I lead some of the charge); but in that we have Christ and are commanded to be Christ-like to others. Seminary will chew you up and spit you out faster and more efficiently than the working world. It is only in the friendships and relationships that are developed here that you can survive. It is only in these relationships that you will learn how to be a pastor.
Never have I been so thankful for the friendships that I have here at Seminary. Some that have never experienced strife, others that were forged through conflict, and some that just fell into my lap out of nowhere. While I want to get off the ride, my friends have chosen to get on the ride with me and help me through the hard times.
Thank you.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Lenten Reflections
So I gave up listening to music when I have control of the sound system for Lent. What that basically means, is no leisure music around the house, in the car, when studying in the library, etc etc. Not quite as drastic as one of my former plans to try giving up playing guitar for Lent one year … that would have been bad.
What this results in is lots and lots of time to sit silently and think. Which can be both a good and bad thing. For the first week I just tried to entertain myself by putzing around on the internet watching movies on youtube, or playing small flash games online; neither of which is all that productive.
The tricky part has been the car drives. Even with music car drives have always been a time to just sit and muse about life, insanity, and solving the world’s problems. With about two weeks left, and finals looming on the horizon God has directed my attention to the darker parts of life. Not only in some of the class material we are discussing, but also in how real life has been manifesting itself. I have found myself dealing with very troubling life issues to which I have wanted to step away from, and it probably would have been the easier. In turn God guided me to preach a sermon on the topic of endurance and perseverance. I found it funny too.
For all these crazy things that have been going on it has been directed to getting to Good Friday. I have found that there are deep seeded understandings of Good Friday, and that while everyone likes it most of the time it seems to be a very personal experience. As planning has taken place some very beautiful gems have come out of the woodwork that have been put out on the alter of encountering the darkness that surrounds the day of the cross. Not so much that the day of the cross is dark to us, but rather that we often take part in Maundy Thursday and the Last Supper, and then skip right over to Easter without so much as a second glance at the importance of Good Friday. No disrespect intended, but we kinda have to kill Christ in order for him to raise himself back up. Can’t raise the living to life.
So in these moments of quiet and reflecting on God during the times of silence I have found more comfort with the darkness in my life. Granted I try to visit the darkness in my life. This is not to say that I go out and purposefully try to do bad things, but I take time to reflect on my actions and asking if they are in line with God’s Kingdom. These are also times where I normally visit the worst case of a scenario, normally to go that far, get it out of my system and then come back to the land of the insane.
It will be weird to go back to the noise of music come Easter, but at the same time I think I will find myself reflecting in times of silence more often. Although I apparently have about 5 CD’s that I need to catch up on.
What this results in is lots and lots of time to sit silently and think. Which can be both a good and bad thing. For the first week I just tried to entertain myself by putzing around on the internet watching movies on youtube, or playing small flash games online; neither of which is all that productive.
The tricky part has been the car drives. Even with music car drives have always been a time to just sit and muse about life, insanity, and solving the world’s problems. With about two weeks left, and finals looming on the horizon God has directed my attention to the darker parts of life. Not only in some of the class material we are discussing, but also in how real life has been manifesting itself. I have found myself dealing with very troubling life issues to which I have wanted to step away from, and it probably would have been the easier. In turn God guided me to preach a sermon on the topic of endurance and perseverance. I found it funny too.
For all these crazy things that have been going on it has been directed to getting to Good Friday. I have found that there are deep seeded understandings of Good Friday, and that while everyone likes it most of the time it seems to be a very personal experience. As planning has taken place some very beautiful gems have come out of the woodwork that have been put out on the alter of encountering the darkness that surrounds the day of the cross. Not so much that the day of the cross is dark to us, but rather that we often take part in Maundy Thursday and the Last Supper, and then skip right over to Easter without so much as a second glance at the importance of Good Friday. No disrespect intended, but we kinda have to kill Christ in order for him to raise himself back up. Can’t raise the living to life.
So in these moments of quiet and reflecting on God during the times of silence I have found more comfort with the darkness in my life. Granted I try to visit the darkness in my life. This is not to say that I go out and purposefully try to do bad things, but I take time to reflect on my actions and asking if they are in line with God’s Kingdom. These are also times where I normally visit the worst case of a scenario, normally to go that far, get it out of my system and then come back to the land of the insane.
It will be weird to go back to the noise of music come Easter, but at the same time I think I will find myself reflecting in times of silence more often. Although I apparently have about 5 CD’s that I need to catch up on.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Another Trip Around the Sun
Another year, another Super Bowl, and one more left at Fuller. It is quite a bit surreal at the moment. Not for the sake of being surreal but more that I have had some very pleasant and wonderful surprises come into formation in the past month that I’d like to share.
As for the B’day itself, I guess things started on Saturday with a visit down to the brother’s pad in Irvine and playing Guitar Hero on his ‘Christmas’ Wii as well as some fierce some battles of Mario vs Sonic Olympics by all members present. It was good to see some friends from home who came out to wish my brother a happy B’day and then watch the Super Bowl with him. I have pictures, but they all came out blurry, but that might be very appropriate for the evening. I, on the other hand, had to drive home and thus did not take part in the festivities.
My Birthday was slightly more entertaining and there are a set of photos from that outing, of which I did take part, nay, lead the festivities and had a wonderful time. I had many friends who were there to take care of me and make sure I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself. Mischievous B came out and played with me too, it was a good time.
Finally not 5 days later I got to preach my first sermon in front of a full congregation. I spend most of my teaching in smaller groups of high school kids, so this was a little different. I had a great group of folks come out and support me, which was a wonderful joy to have. We had an after party, which my brother came up to take part of along with my parents coming down to pay a visit.
As for the B’day itself, I guess things started on Saturday with a visit down to the brother’s pad in Irvine and playing Guitar Hero on his ‘Christmas’ Wii as well as some fierce some battles of Mario vs Sonic Olympics by all members present. It was good to see some friends from home who came out to wish my brother a happy B’day and then watch the Super Bowl with him. I have pictures, but they all came out blurry, but that might be very appropriate for the evening. I, on the other hand, had to drive home and thus did not take part in the festivities.
My Birthday was slightly more entertaining and there are a set of photos from that outing, of which I did take part, nay, lead the festivities and had a wonderful time. I had many friends who were there to take care of me and make sure I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself. Mischievous B came out and played with me too, it was a good time.
Finally not 5 days later I got to preach my first sermon in front of a full congregation. I spend most of my teaching in smaller groups of high school kids, so this was a little different. I had a great group of folks come out and support me, which was a wonderful joy to have. We had an after party, which my brother came up to take part of along with my parents coming down to pay a visit.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Sheesh has it been that long?
From October to January … good grief. I can’t even remember what was going on at the time (looks back at his calendar) … Oh now I remember. Yea … got past that stuff.
It is MLK weekend, I have gained more time to relax and unwind that I’m probably forgetting that I have something to do, but for now I’ll take a little ignorance. What I’m probably dealing with is a bit of left over vacation from Christmas break. I think Christmas was the first time I had some good time off for about 1 year. There was just something that was nutty about last year and I felt like I really didn’t have time off.
I cannot begin to tell ya’ll about how little I did over Christmas break. Well I did a lot but you know what I mean. I got to see many old friends and lots of youth group kids. Wished one of them a well being away to Austin, TX. He will be much missed when I go home. Did bunches of random stuff around the house, got cool new toys (see below) and all in all had a wonderful time at home.
One of the things that has kept me sane this whole time has been a Disneyland annual pass. I have been to Disneyland 3 times since September with plans to go more as the year continues. More than anything it is just a wonderful time out to goof off and get away from the think tank that is at home. Or at least be able to think clearly. Fuller seems so crowded sometimes. I’ll take a 20 min line and it is a little more open than the atmosphere on Fuller. Or maybe that is just the goofball in me.
Speaking of Fuller …
I’m taking Presbyterian History and Programs (feels like a one sided review of history, but there is a stronger sense of Reformed theology so I connect with it a bit better), Homiletics (Preaching - excited and nervous), and Biblical Organization Leadership (Now that you’re a leader, what do you do with the rest of the church body?). I’m auditing Leadership in Youth Ministry (Chapland - woo hoo!), and am continuing my internship in Burbank (Preaching in Feb, Doing Good Friday in March).
My birthday is coming up and all I would really like is to not have a midterm the next day. I have some stuff that I can't talk about yet, but I'm super excited! But for now … as the daily show would say … your moment of Zen …
This truck was being towed down the mountain due to heavy snow.
It is MLK weekend, I have gained more time to relax and unwind that I’m probably forgetting that I have something to do, but for now I’ll take a little ignorance. What I’m probably dealing with is a bit of left over vacation from Christmas break. I think Christmas was the first time I had some good time off for about 1 year. There was just something that was nutty about last year and I felt like I really didn’t have time off.
I cannot begin to tell ya’ll about how little I did over Christmas break. Well I did a lot but you know what I mean. I got to see many old friends and lots of youth group kids. Wished one of them a well being away to Austin, TX. He will be much missed when I go home. Did bunches of random stuff around the house, got cool new toys (see below) and all in all had a wonderful time at home.
One of the things that has kept me sane this whole time has been a Disneyland annual pass. I have been to Disneyland 3 times since September with plans to go more as the year continues. More than anything it is just a wonderful time out to goof off and get away from the think tank that is at home. Or at least be able to think clearly. Fuller seems so crowded sometimes. I’ll take a 20 min line and it is a little more open than the atmosphere on Fuller. Or maybe that is just the goofball in me.
Speaking of Fuller …
I’m taking Presbyterian History and Programs (feels like a one sided review of history, but there is a stronger sense of Reformed theology so I connect with it a bit better), Homiletics (Preaching - excited and nervous), and Biblical Organization Leadership (Now that you’re a leader, what do you do with the rest of the church body?). I’m auditing Leadership in Youth Ministry (Chapland - woo hoo!), and am continuing my internship in Burbank (Preaching in Feb, Doing Good Friday in March).
My birthday is coming up and all I would really like is to not have a midterm the next day. I have some stuff that I can't talk about yet, but I'm super excited! But for now … as the daily show would say … your moment of Zen …
This truck was being towed down the mountain due to heavy snow.
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Punching Bag
I’m not sure what it is and I think I have many friends who would verify this: but for some reason I have a nice big bull’s-eye on my chest for attracting problems. Not like your run of the mill problems, but the like … requires more than 1 week to fix type of problems. Things not included in this category:
- 10 page papers
- Car repair
- Computer repair
- Anything that can be solved by a visit to ‘theological beverage’-house
- Cleaning my apartment
- Greek
- Curing insomnia
- Mono
Now … how do I put this … I wasn’t ‘sideswiped by a wrecking ball, eighteen-wheeler, and the Titanic in one blow,’ but more like somewhere in between the eighteen-wheeler and Titanic. But this isn’t a tale about how cruddy my life is but a moment of clarity and rejoicing.
For all my times of trials they have always led up to something wonderful that God will do.
For all my times of trials I have found that my friends have stood by me, even when I was the problem.
For all my times of trials it has never been my own doing, but God’s.
For all my times of trials ... I’m still here and God still uses me.
I think the last one is what is in my mind now, and just how cool that is. I have comfort in that he has not given me something that will cause me to break, just bend a bit. I’m not asking for more trials, but I am ready to face the ones that come my way.
- 10 page papers
- Car repair
- Computer repair
- Anything that can be solved by a visit to ‘theological beverage’-house
- Cleaning my apartment
- Greek
- Curing insomnia
- Mono
Now … how do I put this … I wasn’t ‘sideswiped by a wrecking ball, eighteen-wheeler, and the Titanic in one blow,’ but more like somewhere in between the eighteen-wheeler and Titanic. But this isn’t a tale about how cruddy my life is but a moment of clarity and rejoicing.
For all my times of trials they have always led up to something wonderful that God will do.
For all my times of trials I have found that my friends have stood by me, even when I was the problem.
For all my times of trials it has never been my own doing, but God’s.
For all my times of trials ... I’m still here and God still uses me.
I think the last one is what is in my mind now, and just how cool that is. I have comfort in that he has not given me something that will cause me to break, just bend a bit. I’m not asking for more trials, but I am ready to face the ones that come my way.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Something's wrong ...
Ralph's has discontinued IBC Cream Soda on it's shelves in its Lake Ave., Pasadena store ... One man riot ensues.
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