So we were watching Wanted last night and my grandparents were wondering if Wanted was based off a book or something. I said that I thought it was based upon a comic book (wikipeda says yes, although losely). Earlier in the week we watched Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which is about 40% invented storyline, with the other 60% being a spot on for the main characters. Which got me to thinking …
Are there any movie adaptations that don’t mess up the storyline completely? The closest I have come to is the extended version of Fellowship of the ring, and Two Towers (with some minor issues). I don’t include Return of the King cause they should have done the ending as it was, not playing tribute to Styx and “Come Sail Away.” Aside from that they did a good job with what they had to work with and they probably needed 6 movies to do a proper adaptation. The Harry Potter movies are in trouble cause they are going to have to do flashbacks in the last two movies to get everything they need, and still they are going to come up short. All this to say … I had a bad idea for a comparison …
Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice vs TBS 5 hr Pride and Prejudice
Now … Before you call me crazy … I have seen the TV series before in 12th grade and actually managed to not gnaw my arm off to get out of my handcuffs. And on some level I did enjoy it, then again I did have a buddy and we spent time making jokes. So here I am with time to kill, the DVD version in my parents collection (a mother’s day gift that is still wrapped from a few years ago), someone to watch it with, and all I need is to give up a piece of my manhood and go pay for a copy of the book … in public …with my own money.
And then read it.
Now most of my female friends managed to read it, they didn’t comment after that. Some swoon at the very mention of “Mr. Darcy” (SWOON! … err wait a minute). Others have expressed a deep seeded sense of existential dread only 20 pages in and had to put it down as if it were filled with cooties and then wash off the effect with some other reading to get the filth off.
If I don’t come back … tell my parents I love them, and not to come looking for me, because my mental state will have reduced me to a person who does not recognize them.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Ok I have a breathing moment.
So I don’t have any more jokes from my Thanksgiving trip nor do I have much to update about in terms of where I have been, that is still classified from the blogging world. (Although I think 4 out of the 5 people that read this blog know exactly what I’m talking about.) Anywho … I got back from MO with a fun sense of goofball energy about me and put it to good use, spent a week in Pasadena working on my directed reading and seeing what friends I could in their mental state of panic. I even got to see J-Mo on a sudden phone call (made by day … w/out the added syllable). But I am feeling that graduated feel even though I need to write one more paper and turn it in, more about that on another post.
So while I was back in Pasadena I swung to a few of my regular visit spots and hung out with my usual friends. I got to see my pastor buddies and again share breakfast with them. That trip was very affirming in processing through some things. There was a place of peace and feeling like … although I was venting … that I was doing from an objective standpoint, and that I’m not crazy, well maybe not crazy enough to throw into a crazy house.
Spent some time at my old church internship as they were having their annual Bethlehem
Village where there are all sorts of cool random fun things to do, and Baby Jesus gets born every 30 min. It was cool to see the whole church come together for an event that is as involved as it is. There are probably over 100 volunteers over the two days, and almost everyone from the church attends in some fashion. Was much fun.
After that I have been in Santa Barbara for the most part basically helping my mom do home repair on our ‘new’ house. Everything from mopping, fixing, installing film on my bathroom window (which goes right into the shower), and waiting for any number of other people to show up and fix something. Most of that has passed, but there are still things to fix.
Either way I’m getting as settled as I can before I spend 10 days on the couch, yielding my bed to my grandparents. More stuff to come soon enough.
So while I was back in Pasadena I swung to a few of my regular visit spots and hung out with my usual friends. I got to see my pastor buddies and again share breakfast with them. That trip was very affirming in processing through some things. There was a place of peace and feeling like … although I was venting … that I was doing from an objective standpoint, and that I’m not crazy, well maybe not crazy enough to throw into a crazy house.
Spent some time at my old church internship as they were having their annual Bethlehem
Village where there are all sorts of cool random fun things to do, and Baby Jesus gets born every 30 min. It was cool to see the whole church come together for an event that is as involved as it is. There are probably over 100 volunteers over the two days, and almost everyone from the church attends in some fashion. Was much fun.
After that I have been in Santa Barbara for the most part basically helping my mom do home repair on our ‘new’ house. Everything from mopping, fixing, installing film on my bathroom window (which goes right into the shower), and waiting for any number of other people to show up and fix something. Most of that has passed, but there are still things to fix.
Either way I’m getting as settled as I can before I spend 10 days on the couch, yielding my bed to my grandparents. More stuff to come soon enough.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Of Cousins and Star Wars
So ... my mom was telling the following story ...
'So the boys (aka my little cousins) were in town and just wanted to play with the other kids in the neighborhood. So they met them and they decided to play star wars ... and went in and got their full costumes with robes and light sabers and everything. The kids around the neighborhood saw this and said "HOLD ON!" So they all ran and got their robes and light sabers and they had a fight and they even had a Jedi Council ..."
At which point I turn to my brother and said ... 'So a group of hyper kids sat down and had a political discussion?'
In his best Mace Windu: 'We will bring candy to the republic.'
I died laughing.
'So the boys (aka my little cousins) were in town and just wanted to play with the other kids in the neighborhood. So they met them and they decided to play star wars ... and went in and got their full costumes with robes and light sabers and everything. The kids around the neighborhood saw this and said "HOLD ON!" So they all ran and got their robes and light sabers and they had a fight and they even had a Jedi Council ..."
At which point I turn to my brother and said ... 'So a group of hyper kids sat down and had a political discussion?'
In his best Mace Windu: 'We will bring candy to the republic.'
I died laughing.
Traveling with Beer and Turbulence
So I flew out to St. Louis yesterday. Went with my brother to be out for 8 days and we will be celebrating Thanksgiving with my mom’s extended family. All 25 of us will be in one place again and causing no small amount of trouble. However we had to make it out there first.
The adventure began at John Wayne airport at about 4pm, for a 4:50 flight. It is at this point that I would recommend for those flying out of the LA area to look into Burbank, Ontario, or John Wayne (Orange County) for getting out of town. My brother checked a bag, and we were clear of security by 4:10. BO YA!
It was at this juncture that my brother informed me that he is not a huge fan of flying so we hit the bar. My brother surveyed the full bar, and I looked at the Sam Adams on Draft. I informed my brother that I didn’t want a pint, yet one magically appeared along with a tall glass of bud light for him along with a shot of jagermeister. I thanked my brother for being a quality type of gentleman and he replied that I owed him 7.50 for a pint.
We then boarded the plane and began to wonder if my parents were checking bags (they were going to arrive about 20 min after us) and we began discussing the nature of 7.50 for a pint and how one could easily find a quality 6 pack of beer for 7.50.
Me: Man I should just get you a 6-pack of something.
Bro: Nah, I’ll take a case of Natty Ice.
… It should be noted that Natty Ice is widely recognized the least expensive beer on the market running about 50 cents a can if you get a 12 pack.
Me: Really? I’m offering you good beer and your going for quantity over quality?
Bro: Sir, you do not realize the quality beverage that Natty Ice is. You will note that it was not served at the bar because of it’s high quality.
I rolled my eyes at this point.
So we boarded the plane and took our seats and my brother proceeded to scan the Airline shopping magazine in hopes of something that would calm his nerves further. We saw an infant who was dressed in a white star outfit looking somewhat quizzical as to what was going on.
Bro: Oh here it is … the nerve massager … removes unwanted flight stress and anxiety.
Me: How much does it cost.
Bro: … about 300 dollars … it is perfect
Me: Maybe … but think about how much Natty Ice you could get for that, which would also go to cure the aforementioned symptoms.
Bro: (smiling holding back laughter) … that was well done.
Me: I know …
Around this time we were getting ready to taxi out and take off when the captain came on and gave us ‘special’ takeoff instructions.
Captain: Welcome aboard … yada yada yada … if this is your first time flying out of John Wayne airport I wanted to let you know that take off is slightly different. What we are going to do is lock our brakes and rev the engines until they are warm. Let the brakes loose. We will then take a bit of a steeper angle upward till we reach about 1000 ft (1/6 of a mile) and then we will cut our engines down to almost nothing to keep it quiet for all the local residents below us. Then hit the ocean, rev them up bank to the left and go for cruising altitude.
At this point I thought to myself … ‘so … we have to be quiet because the people on the ground built their houses under an airport takeoff route and every person that has to leave from that airport will get the feeling of taking off and then a split second of freefall and gliding over orange county. I realized why my brother was anxious about flying. Doubly so when the ride went up and then the engines cut and I almost waited for the plane to take a nose dive and crash into the ground, it leveled out but … seriously.
It gets better … This is where the turbulence kicked in and I was thankful for my brother’s 7.50.
We then had turbulence from JW all the way to Phoenix where we had a stop to make before continuing onto St. Louis. This prevented the crew from serving wonderful beverages that quell motion sickness. About 3/4 of the way there the captain finds out that there is a 30-40 min line to land in Phoenix and the plane does not have enough fuel to wait to land. So we turn around and land in Ontario, pick up some gas, and then head back to Phoenix. Many of the passengers were wondering if someone could order pizza and Natty Ice for the delay. 20 minutes later we are back in the air with clearance to land, and no pizza or Natty Ice, nor are they able to serve us on board beverages because the turbulence was still in effect. We get to phoenix and by this point people have been displaced and a crack team of overworked and underpaid individuals are trying to figure out how to get everyone where they want to go and not lose money in the process … on the Monday before Turkey Day. If they had asked row 22 the two gentlemen there would have mentioned that pizza and Natty Ice would have calmed many problem individuals.
One such individual who was flying to Omaha was to stay on the plane, be put up in a hotel in St. Louis and fly out in the morning. This individual decided to work the system and made an effort to get a flight voucher. He returned empty handed. Not even wine from a box.
Bro: You will notice that he did not even bother to ask for Natty Ice as this establishment is not high enough caliber for their product.
So now it is 9:21 PST, 11:21 CST and we are probably somewhere over a farmland state. My brother will soon have a distant second to his desired Natty Ice, and I will have some water to wash down the Ritz snacks that were served. We are ‘due’ to land in about an hour in what will probably be sub-freezing temperatures. And while I am wearing jeans, socks, shoes, and have a winter coat in the overhead … part of me wishes I was in shorts and sandals … just on principle.
The adventure began at John Wayne airport at about 4pm, for a 4:50 flight. It is at this point that I would recommend for those flying out of the LA area to look into Burbank, Ontario, or John Wayne (Orange County) for getting out of town. My brother checked a bag, and we were clear of security by 4:10. BO YA!
It was at this juncture that my brother informed me that he is not a huge fan of flying so we hit the bar. My brother surveyed the full bar, and I looked at the Sam Adams on Draft. I informed my brother that I didn’t want a pint, yet one magically appeared along with a tall glass of bud light for him along with a shot of jagermeister. I thanked my brother for being a quality type of gentleman and he replied that I owed him 7.50 for a pint.
We then boarded the plane and began to wonder if my parents were checking bags (they were going to arrive about 20 min after us) and we began discussing the nature of 7.50 for a pint and how one could easily find a quality 6 pack of beer for 7.50.
Me: Man I should just get you a 6-pack of something.
Bro: Nah, I’ll take a case of Natty Ice.
… It should be noted that Natty Ice is widely recognized the least expensive beer on the market running about 50 cents a can if you get a 12 pack.
Me: Really? I’m offering you good beer and your going for quantity over quality?
Bro: Sir, you do not realize the quality beverage that Natty Ice is. You will note that it was not served at the bar because of it’s high quality.
I rolled my eyes at this point.
So we boarded the plane and took our seats and my brother proceeded to scan the Airline shopping magazine in hopes of something that would calm his nerves further. We saw an infant who was dressed in a white star outfit looking somewhat quizzical as to what was going on.
Bro: Oh here it is … the nerve massager … removes unwanted flight stress and anxiety.
Me: How much does it cost.
Bro: … about 300 dollars … it is perfect
Me: Maybe … but think about how much Natty Ice you could get for that, which would also go to cure the aforementioned symptoms.
Bro: (smiling holding back laughter) … that was well done.
Me: I know …
Around this time we were getting ready to taxi out and take off when the captain came on and gave us ‘special’ takeoff instructions.
Captain: Welcome aboard … yada yada yada … if this is your first time flying out of John Wayne airport I wanted to let you know that take off is slightly different. What we are going to do is lock our brakes and rev the engines until they are warm. Let the brakes loose. We will then take a bit of a steeper angle upward till we reach about 1000 ft (1/6 of a mile) and then we will cut our engines down to almost nothing to keep it quiet for all the local residents below us. Then hit the ocean, rev them up bank to the left and go for cruising altitude.
At this point I thought to myself … ‘so … we have to be quiet because the people on the ground built their houses under an airport takeoff route and every person that has to leave from that airport will get the feeling of taking off and then a split second of freefall and gliding over orange county. I realized why my brother was anxious about flying. Doubly so when the ride went up and then the engines cut and I almost waited for the plane to take a nose dive and crash into the ground, it leveled out but … seriously.
It gets better … This is where the turbulence kicked in and I was thankful for my brother’s 7.50.
We then had turbulence from JW all the way to Phoenix where we had a stop to make before continuing onto St. Louis. This prevented the crew from serving wonderful beverages that quell motion sickness. About 3/4 of the way there the captain finds out that there is a 30-40 min line to land in Phoenix and the plane does not have enough fuel to wait to land. So we turn around and land in Ontario, pick up some gas, and then head back to Phoenix. Many of the passengers were wondering if someone could order pizza and Natty Ice for the delay. 20 minutes later we are back in the air with clearance to land, and no pizza or Natty Ice, nor are they able to serve us on board beverages because the turbulence was still in effect. We get to phoenix and by this point people have been displaced and a crack team of overworked and underpaid individuals are trying to figure out how to get everyone where they want to go and not lose money in the process … on the Monday before Turkey Day. If they had asked row 22 the two gentlemen there would have mentioned that pizza and Natty Ice would have calmed many problem individuals.
One such individual who was flying to Omaha was to stay on the plane, be put up in a hotel in St. Louis and fly out in the morning. This individual decided to work the system and made an effort to get a flight voucher. He returned empty handed. Not even wine from a box.
Bro: You will notice that he did not even bother to ask for Natty Ice as this establishment is not high enough caliber for their product.
So now it is 9:21 PST, 11:21 CST and we are probably somewhere over a farmland state. My brother will soon have a distant second to his desired Natty Ice, and I will have some water to wash down the Ritz snacks that were served. We are ‘due’ to land in about an hour in what will probably be sub-freezing temperatures. And while I am wearing jeans, socks, shoes, and have a winter coat in the overhead … part of me wishes I was in shorts and sandals … just on principle.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Post Crazy Pre Insanity
Ok … the Cliff Notes
1) Finished Internship
2) Moved in with Parents
3) Have 2 weeks of traveling
Expanded version
Internship: So I finished up my internship at Highlands Church in Paso Robles on Nov 14th. It was lots of fun and while I could go into some detail about what I learned I think I will refrain for a while, I haven’t had a full chance to really look back and see what I learned. However the Staff did send me off right by having a dinner party and I got a couple of gifts from the gang and I was sad that I didn’t get the chance to get to know some of those people better, some due to time constraints, some due to missing each other due to schedules. Either way I’m sure I missed out on some things.
Moved: I now reside in Santa Barbara as my ‘home base.’ My parents moved here a week before I did and we are still waiting for the contractor to install the moat and hot oil defenses. After that we will quest around the land to search for knights wishing to join the cause. And after my quest I shall return home to renew old friendship with those who I have lost touch with in the area. I started that, but with number 3 it makes it hard to set stuff back up. Either way life is still a little crazy and there are still boxes to unpack. However, the house is … functional in the sense that things like meals, TV, sleeping, and bathing can take place for the sake of others who might wander through the front door.
Travel: I leave tomorrow morning for Pasadena, Fly out from Irvine on Monday to Missouri for 8 days, get back on a Tuesday and stay in Pasadena till Wed night or Sat night. The first trip is to help a friend move and spend some time with friends down in Pasadena before they all go crazy with finals. Mental overload pending. Then I am flying out to Missouri for two reasons: The first is Turkey Day, and the second is Family. In a rare alignment of the planets all 26 family members from my mom’s side of the family will be congregated within the same town. Now normally we plan to do this every other summer, with some success. However this is winter and I’ll be packing my cold weather gear and gloves … GLOVES! I’m going to take a picture of myself in snow, shorts, a T-Shirt and sandals on principle. Then I will be going down to see the Methodist church that a few of my cousin’s go to that is about 4k people and just see the fun stuff. Planned highlights … playing music with my cousin who can sing.
Flying back into town comes the random section of the travel. I will be back in Pasadena on Tuesday probably around noon, or so I hope … this is the flight where I have to change planes in 40 min … Oh Joy! Anywho … After an overnighter I’ll be having B’fast w/ the Burbank Pastor crew and then meeting with my directed reading Advisor at 1pm. Then things get interesting. One of my friends is playing the Seminary Coffee shop on Friday night, and then another one of my friends is hosting a cookie decorating party (in her studio) for whoever shows up. Stay longer … maybe; Go home … do I still have clean clothes? Either way I’ll be back in Pasadena in time for the Christmas season to shop and need to do some purchasing.
I’ll have my camera and I’ll try to take pictures, but I’m sure the cousins will as well. I might try to get some fun video too. Of course … then I have to figure out how to post it.
1) Finished Internship
2) Moved in with Parents
3) Have 2 weeks of traveling
Expanded version
Internship: So I finished up my internship at Highlands Church in Paso Robles on Nov 14th. It was lots of fun and while I could go into some detail about what I learned I think I will refrain for a while, I haven’t had a full chance to really look back and see what I learned. However the Staff did send me off right by having a dinner party and I got a couple of gifts from the gang and I was sad that I didn’t get the chance to get to know some of those people better, some due to time constraints, some due to missing each other due to schedules. Either way I’m sure I missed out on some things.
Moved: I now reside in Santa Barbara as my ‘home base.’ My parents moved here a week before I did and we are still waiting for the contractor to install the moat and hot oil defenses. After that we will quest around the land to search for knights wishing to join the cause. And after my quest I shall return home to renew old friendship with those who I have lost touch with in the area. I started that, but with number 3 it makes it hard to set stuff back up. Either way life is still a little crazy and there are still boxes to unpack. However, the house is … functional in the sense that things like meals, TV, sleeping, and bathing can take place for the sake of others who might wander through the front door.
Travel: I leave tomorrow morning for Pasadena, Fly out from Irvine on Monday to Missouri for 8 days, get back on a Tuesday and stay in Pasadena till Wed night or Sat night. The first trip is to help a friend move and spend some time with friends down in Pasadena before they all go crazy with finals. Mental overload pending. Then I am flying out to Missouri for two reasons: The first is Turkey Day, and the second is Family. In a rare alignment of the planets all 26 family members from my mom’s side of the family will be congregated within the same town. Now normally we plan to do this every other summer, with some success. However this is winter and I’ll be packing my cold weather gear and gloves … GLOVES! I’m going to take a picture of myself in snow, shorts, a T-Shirt and sandals on principle. Then I will be going down to see the Methodist church that a few of my cousin’s go to that is about 4k people and just see the fun stuff. Planned highlights … playing music with my cousin who can sing.
Flying back into town comes the random section of the travel. I will be back in Pasadena on Tuesday probably around noon, or so I hope … this is the flight where I have to change planes in 40 min … Oh Joy! Anywho … After an overnighter I’ll be having B’fast w/ the Burbank Pastor crew and then meeting with my directed reading Advisor at 1pm. Then things get interesting. One of my friends is playing the Seminary Coffee shop on Friday night, and then another one of my friends is hosting a cookie decorating party (in her studio) for whoever shows up. Stay longer … maybe; Go home … do I still have clean clothes? Either way I’ll be back in Pasadena in time for the Christmas season to shop and need to do some purchasing.
I’ll have my camera and I’ll try to take pictures, but I’m sure the cousins will as well. I might try to get some fun video too. Of course … then I have to figure out how to post it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Strengths and Weaknesses
So we were sitting around staff meeting a few weeks ago … probably close to a month and we were discussing the scripture that was going to be used for Sunday service. I can’t remember the context exactly. I remember we were in a series on faith and getting to the last couple before the sermon series would switch. One of the things that came up was a comment that in examining our self realized strengths we sometimes loose sight of the other things that God might want to teach us and prefer to fall back on our strengths, which become a crutch rather than a powerful movement.
This has been stewing in the back of my head for a while and I have been trying to decide if I am leaning on my own history and unwilling to learn new skills through internships that have much I can learn from. I think I might have become something that I was afraid of when I went into seminary. I have become more academic that practical in my mindset.
There I said it … I’m not happy about it … and a part of me is weeping inside.
This isn’t to say that I don’t know how to be pastoral in any given situation, but the thoughts running through my head end up being some messed up sociology experiment rather than trying to see and meet the needs of the person in front of me. I think I miss doing ministry for the sake of ministry, when there wasn’t the issue of what is the right way to examine a doctrine, but rather to just care for people (or in my past life JH/HS students). Where the message of the gospel was not spoken in words but in actions. I think more than anything I would just like to remember the basics of ministry and throw most of my seminary education out the window.
I think I need to examine some of the baggage I’m carrying around … trying to prove that I am strong enough for ministry … and instead surrender. Or maybe I'm just thinking too loud over here ... God only knows.
This has been stewing in the back of my head for a while and I have been trying to decide if I am leaning on my own history and unwilling to learn new skills through internships that have much I can learn from. I think I might have become something that I was afraid of when I went into seminary. I have become more academic that practical in my mindset.
There I said it … I’m not happy about it … and a part of me is weeping inside.
This isn’t to say that I don’t know how to be pastoral in any given situation, but the thoughts running through my head end up being some messed up sociology experiment rather than trying to see and meet the needs of the person in front of me. I think I miss doing ministry for the sake of ministry, when there wasn’t the issue of what is the right way to examine a doctrine, but rather to just care for people (or in my past life JH/HS students). Where the message of the gospel was not spoken in words but in actions. I think more than anything I would just like to remember the basics of ministry and throw most of my seminary education out the window.
I think I need to examine some of the baggage I’m carrying around … trying to prove that I am strong enough for ministry … and instead surrender. Or maybe I'm just thinking too loud over here ... God only knows.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Toys and Tools
Toys: Something that is more fun than practical in use.
Now granted this toy has practical uses, and Becca always did say that I looked happier with a bass in my hand than a guitar, and I agree.
Tools: Practical use for a situation, job, or ministry
My internship pastor gave me this as a thanks for my work. Needs some cleaning but is freaking sweet.
The top marking is residue of some old label on it ...
So now I have a very nice sounding 4 string bass and a portable communion set. Sometimes I like the small things in life.
Now granted this toy has practical uses, and Becca always did say that I looked happier with a bass in my hand than a guitar, and I agree.
Tools: Practical use for a situation, job, or ministry
My internship pastor gave me this as a thanks for my work. Needs some cleaning but is freaking sweet.
The top marking is residue of some old label on it ...
So now I have a very nice sounding 4 string bass and a portable communion set. Sometimes I like the small things in life.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Nobody Loves me Like You
Reasons for doing this below …
RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, etc. on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets/w.e after the song name.
5. HAVE FUN.
How would you describe yourself?
Fad of the Land (Newsboys - I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Times I have actually played this song according to iTunes: 0)
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Warrior (Caedmon’s Call)
How do you feel today?
You are on our Side (Bethany Dillon - More like where I want to get … more on that later)
Your life’s purpose?
Nothing but the Blood (Charlie Hall - Passion: How great is our God)
What is your motto?
It is Well With My Soul (Jennifer Knapp + Audio Adrenaline)
What do your friends think about you?
Wake Up (Leeland - point iTunes)
What do you think of your parents?
Pantala Naga Pampa (Dave Matthews Band)
What is 2 + 2?
The Marionette (Phil Keggy - I think he is playing in 4/4 though …)
What do you think of your best friends?
Inspiration (Sanctus Real)
What do you think of the person you like?
The Servant Song (Richard Gillard - I think this could turn into a blog unto itself, ironic. Sarah laugh with me … 5 points itunes)
What is your life story?
Free (Shaun McDonald - Yea … I paused here and actually listened to it: point to iTunes)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
For the Lord is Good (All Together Separate)
What do you think when you see the person you like?
You Are Holy (Michael W. Smith)
What will they play at your funeral?
Believe (Newsboys)
What is your hobby/interest?
God Only Knows (Joy Williams)
What is your biggest fear?
Candle (All Together Separate - Song about missions work)
What is your biggest secret?
Fuel (Metallica - Song about engines … hrum …)
What do you think of your friends?
Have you Ever? (Shaun McDonald)
What song best describes you?
Nick & Norah’s Theme (Mark Mothersbaugh)
What song best describes your crush?
Get Down (Audio Adreniline)
What will you post this as?
Nobody Loves me Like You (Jars of Clay)
This was done in a distraction to the following
Ords: 4, Minstrel: 0
See Question 3 ...
RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, etc. on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets/w.e after the song name.
5. HAVE FUN.
How would you describe yourself?
Fad of the Land (Newsboys - I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Times I have actually played this song according to iTunes: 0)
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Warrior (Caedmon’s Call)
How do you feel today?
You are on our Side (Bethany Dillon - More like where I want to get … more on that later)
Your life’s purpose?
Nothing but the Blood (Charlie Hall - Passion: How great is our God)
What is your motto?
It is Well With My Soul (Jennifer Knapp + Audio Adrenaline)
What do your friends think about you?
Wake Up (Leeland - point iTunes)
What do you think of your parents?
Pantala Naga Pampa (Dave Matthews Band)
What is 2 + 2?
The Marionette (Phil Keggy - I think he is playing in 4/4 though …)
What do you think of your best friends?
Inspiration (Sanctus Real)
What do you think of the person you like?
The Servant Song (Richard Gillard - I think this could turn into a blog unto itself, ironic. Sarah laugh with me … 5 points itunes)
What is your life story?
Free (Shaun McDonald - Yea … I paused here and actually listened to it: point to iTunes)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
For the Lord is Good (All Together Separate)
What do you think when you see the person you like?
You Are Holy (Michael W. Smith)
What will they play at your funeral?
Believe (Newsboys)
What is your hobby/interest?
God Only Knows (Joy Williams)
What is your biggest fear?
Candle (All Together Separate - Song about missions work)
What is your biggest secret?
Fuel (Metallica - Song about engines … hrum …)
What do you think of your friends?
Have you Ever? (Shaun McDonald)
What song best describes you?
Nick & Norah’s Theme (Mark Mothersbaugh)
What song best describes your crush?
Get Down (Audio Adreniline)
What will you post this as?
Nobody Loves me Like You (Jars of Clay)
This was done in a distraction to the following
Ords: 4, Minstrel: 0
See Question 3 ...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Honored
So … I’m doing music for my friend’s, Chuck and Sarah, wedding, which is both exciting and kinda scary. On one hand I have had the joy of watching the two of them walk into their relationship, which has really been something beautiful to watch (and call Sarah out on it). Seeing the final step as the walk into the rest of their lives will feel like bookends.
On the scary side I have never done anything this big in terms of music and while I don’t feel any pressure now (cause I only have one song they want so far), I’m sure that I will feel much more pressured as the time gets close and as I work out how to get the musical instruments from wherever I am to Minnesota, where I’m playing, what music I need to bring, and the pile of last minute details that go into ANY event.
At the end of this whole thing I know that God will be glorified, and that stuff will work out, and that some of the mistakes will be some of the things that will be treasured and remembered for the rest of their lives.
On the plus side … I think I will have the best ‘seat’ in the house … since the wedding party will have to be standing the whole time. At least I think I will have a seat ...
On the scary side I have never done anything this big in terms of music and while I don’t feel any pressure now (cause I only have one song they want so far), I’m sure that I will feel much more pressured as the time gets close and as I work out how to get the musical instruments from wherever I am to Minnesota, where I’m playing, what music I need to bring, and the pile of last minute details that go into ANY event.
At the end of this whole thing I know that God will be glorified, and that stuff will work out, and that some of the mistakes will be some of the things that will be treasured and remembered for the rest of their lives.
On the plus side … I think I will have the best ‘seat’ in the house … since the wedding party will have to be standing the whole time. At least I think I will have a seat ...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Why I Could Never Play Intramural Football at Fuller
The other part of this is why I could never make Becca’s Birthday parties. Simply put, every third weekend in October I travel up or down to Pismo Beach to play football on the beach and remind myself that I’m getting older for the next two days as I recover from muscle soreness. This is an annual tradition that brings together the whole of the Fraternity that I was a part of at UCSB. There are active teams and alumni teams (commonly referred to as the ‘old-man division’ … our trophy has a walking stick attached to the Hiesman stiff arm hand.) Now before you go … ‘What … Alan in a Fraternity?!?’ it was a Christian Fraternity … that still upholds those ideals. Most of the time is spent asking about lives and what God is doing in them. Most of the alumni are dealing with kids, getting married, dealing with life, going to Masters schooling, and so on. But out of all of the guys that go through that fraternity 90% of them continue to serve and be involved in church on some level.
Either way 8 Alumni played with about another 3 to show support and just catch up on life came. And we wrecked shop…
4 games and we went 4-0 allowing only 2 touchdowns on us through the whole set of games, one by freak and fluke accident. Otherwise we scored an average of 20+ points and had about 4-5 interceptions a game. It was kinda evil. I think most of the time we had more interceptions than the other team had punts. I think the game finals were 33-6, 26-0, 19-0, 29-6. The last two were after we changed the time from 25 minutes to 20 per half … another side effect of ‘getting older.’ Basically Pismo football is like Intramural football except we are on sand, and everything is pretty much full contact. The full contact and injury issue is off set by the fact that sand makes you slower.
Running Power I formation has never been so fun :)
After what has been dubbed the ‘domination’ of Pismo we retired to the world of Roundtable for pizza and Presbyterian Beverages. It was a good time and such a fun fun time. And now we recover …
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Saints and Sinners
Every saint has a past, every sinner has a futureI remember being in high school and not quite being a Christian in the sense of I had made my own choice for Christ. At camps we would always hear about those people who had been at the bottom of the spiral and reached up to accept Christ and the sudden and somewhat dramatic shift in life. And I couldn’t identify fully with these stories. The idea of heading in the direction of ‘downward’ just to experience God’s sudden and dramatic grace didn’t seem like a good idea either. I had this strange idea that I ‘needed’ to have an emotional and somewhat spiritual engagement with God in order to be saved, even if I knew I was ‘basically’ a Christian.
- Warren Buffet, CEO Berkshire Hathaway
(Said regarding pointing blame in middle of the worst of the economic downfall)
Strangely enough that was about 10 years ago and I don’t think I knew the ride I would have since then. For some reason Buffet’s quote above stuck with me as I have kinda been watching the economic stuff in the background of my life. In a sense I realize that I’m not quite a saint, but I still have a past; and that I am a sinner who stands on the brink of a very unknown future. Not just in the sense of where I will get a job, but will there be a denomination that will still exist for me to go into. My adviser for all things Presbyterian told me ‘Think about the Presbytery that you get ordained into, as it could have some long range implications.’
This saddened me.
Mixed into this whole mess is a confrontation with the quote ‘Hate the sin, love the sinner.’ This is something that I used in the back of my head for a decent period of my seminary career. I was confronted with an idea (by a fuller prof) that our sin makes us who we are and to try to separate the two is not only impossible, but also insulting to the person. I realize more that my sins have long shaped the person that I have become and the person who I continue to become. This person has laid up many sacrifices of what I have wanted to say for the sake of love. They have never been easy points to reach in life, but they remain places where I seem to learn more about myself and become more and more able to accept the fact that I am not the judge, but God is.
One of the things I’m learning here in my internship is that God is using the very foolish here to confuse the wise. The unbelieving are coming forward to be baptized. The sinners are placed in charge and the church grows. The ideas that are crazy, above and beyond normal sanity, are the ideas that bring people to follow God and to enter into community. What saddens me is that most of the issues of the Presbyterian Church are on the order of detailed theology, which almost makes me angry. Not in the sense that the issues don’t need discussion, but that we have forgotten the whole mission of the church for the sake of one detail.
Do we spend too much time trying to be saints and burying our sins when we need to embrace both? In trying to become saints ... do we become the worst sinners?
Thursday, October 09, 2008
6am
So … I figured it out finally.
Now most of the people who read this blog on a regular basis know about my internal 6am alarm clock. I wake up then if I want to or not and then have the option of going back to sleep. It is to the point where I don’t need an alarm clock to wake up. Even worse is the fact that my body will normally wake up before that in a state of semi-awake which leads to some interesting ends to dreams.
Now depending on when I went to bed I will either get up or roll over and go back to sleep. Most of the time I do the former however there are occasions that I will my body back into a state of slumber. Much of this last week has been that way, I have figured out going back to bed is not the healthy response to me waking up.
My normal mode of operation is that of a patient and slow moving turtle (although I have a jet pack for emergencies). Waking up at 6am gives me time to start my day without a rush of things to do, without a need to feel like I’m behind, and simmer into consciousness rather than being flung off the deep end. Basically I am a happy camper rather than a grumpy camper. I tend to think ‘clearer’ and have time to do all the things I like to do in the morning (like read my comics and play a few games) and not have to leave them till later, when they become distractions rather than fun.
I also have a time to center life around peace and calm rather than panic and insanity that then leads into the rest of the day. Yea I’m a morning person, but I’m finding more and more that is helps me to be who I am without the need take time out of the day to catch up, but rather I have time to rest when there is space between one thing and another. Being ‘Terminally Early’ isn’t a bad thing, it gives time for life to catch up to you, to close your eyes and allow God to become the renewed center of the day.
The Sabbath is limited to a single day, but rather a place of rest. What if we took 2 hrs out of the day to just focus on God (24hrs - 8hrs sleep =16 … 1 hr per 7 hrs = 2 hrs total). Not in study, but in reflection, prayer, company, and joy; all the things that we ‘enjoy’ in life. To take the scenic route, and enjoy the ride.
Now most of the people who read this blog on a regular basis know about my internal 6am alarm clock. I wake up then if I want to or not and then have the option of going back to sleep. It is to the point where I don’t need an alarm clock to wake up. Even worse is the fact that my body will normally wake up before that in a state of semi-awake which leads to some interesting ends to dreams.
Now depending on when I went to bed I will either get up or roll over and go back to sleep. Most of the time I do the former however there are occasions that I will my body back into a state of slumber. Much of this last week has been that way, I have figured out going back to bed is not the healthy response to me waking up.
My normal mode of operation is that of a patient and slow moving turtle (although I have a jet pack for emergencies). Waking up at 6am gives me time to start my day without a rush of things to do, without a need to feel like I’m behind, and simmer into consciousness rather than being flung off the deep end. Basically I am a happy camper rather than a grumpy camper. I tend to think ‘clearer’ and have time to do all the things I like to do in the morning (like read my comics and play a few games) and not have to leave them till later, when they become distractions rather than fun.
I also have a time to center life around peace and calm rather than panic and insanity that then leads into the rest of the day. Yea I’m a morning person, but I’m finding more and more that is helps me to be who I am without the need take time out of the day to catch up, but rather I have time to rest when there is space between one thing and another. Being ‘Terminally Early’ isn’t a bad thing, it gives time for life to catch up to you, to close your eyes and allow God to become the renewed center of the day.
The Sabbath is limited to a single day, but rather a place of rest. What if we took 2 hrs out of the day to just focus on God (24hrs - 8hrs sleep =16 … 1 hr per 7 hrs = 2 hrs total). Not in study, but in reflection, prayer, company, and joy; all the things that we ‘enjoy’ in life. To take the scenic route, and enjoy the ride.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
So what’s going on in Paso?
I’m glad you asked :)
So aside from my ‘cut short’ last post, life is actually really good. I have my first ‘what I’m really going to be doing during my internship’ meeting on Tuesday (10/7) where I will be sitting down with a group of Pentecostals who have found themselves in a Presbyterian Church … suckers. But seriously I will be in charge of empowering these people to do the ministry of compassion and reconciliation. How I’m supposed to do that … I’m not entirely sure, but me and my other half are going to get on our knees, pray and see what happens. The church itself is in a huge transition as it is moving from rented apartments and will be moving into its permanent offices near the end of this month. I got here just in time to see one of the large scale events take place.
Clicking ->here<- will pull up two videos, one is a mock staff meeting that is funny on a couple of levels, I don’t think you even have to know the staff to get some of the jokes. The second is actually footage from the event and it was lots of fun (but really cold).
This month will prove to be just as busy as we have two events. The first is a concert that the church’s praise band will be putting on to have tickets help pay for the building fund. Should be lots of fun and the praise band is pretty talented in terms of creativity and musicians, but they will probably do mostly cover songs. I don’t think the worship director has had time to write some of his own stuff yet. He is a busy guy.
The second requires some set up. The pastor here is a true blood Scotsman: plays bagpipes, owns a kilt, has a good accent when he summons it up … whole nine yards… yes on Guinness. So they have an annual Kirkin of the Tartan. Which is basically a bagpiper band in service with kilts. I might have pictures soon enough, as disturbing as that might be to some people who read this … I’m sorry, I’ll give you fair warning.
So aside from my ‘cut short’ last post, life is actually really good. I have my first ‘what I’m really going to be doing during my internship’ meeting on Tuesday (10/7) where I will be sitting down with a group of Pentecostals who have found themselves in a Presbyterian Church … suckers. But seriously I will be in charge of empowering these people to do the ministry of compassion and reconciliation. How I’m supposed to do that … I’m not entirely sure, but me and my other half are going to get on our knees, pray and see what happens. The church itself is in a huge transition as it is moving from rented apartments and will be moving into its permanent offices near the end of this month. I got here just in time to see one of the large scale events take place.
Clicking ->here<- will pull up two videos, one is a mock staff meeting that is funny on a couple of levels, I don’t think you even have to know the staff to get some of the jokes. The second is actually footage from the event and it was lots of fun (but really cold).
This month will prove to be just as busy as we have two events. The first is a concert that the church’s praise band will be putting on to have tickets help pay for the building fund. Should be lots of fun and the praise band is pretty talented in terms of creativity and musicians, but they will probably do mostly cover songs. I don’t think the worship director has had time to write some of his own stuff yet. He is a busy guy.
The second requires some set up. The pastor here is a true blood Scotsman: plays bagpipes, owns a kilt, has a good accent when he summons it up … whole nine yards… yes on Guinness. So they have an annual Kirkin of the Tartan. Which is basically a bagpiper band in service with kilts. I might have pictures soon enough, as disturbing as that might be to some people who read this … I’m sorry, I’ll give you fair warning.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Playing in someone else’s playground
So one of the things that I tried to communicate to my last internship, with I would say about 80% success, is that I was an INTERN. My job was not to implant myself within the church and to take on huge projects that would then get left by the wayside when I left. The more I start to get into my new internship the more important I realize this issue is.
So in essence I currently have 3 months to prepare the church’s deacons for ministry, build them up so they can function, and then instill in them a sense of ownership so that they fall to pieces when I leave. Wait check that … 2 months, I’ve already been here 2 weeks.
Either way it will be a fun, if not insane, ride in Paso.
In other news God is teaching me about obedience and listening to him. Most of my mental flow got sideswiped by this. He is teaching with the Big Hammer. More to come later ... maybe ...
So in essence I currently have 3 months to prepare the church’s deacons for ministry, build them up so they can function, and then instill in them a sense of ownership so that they fall to pieces when I leave. Wait check that … 2 months, I’ve already been here 2 weeks.
Either way it will be a fun, if not insane, ride in Paso.
In other news God is teaching me about obedience and listening to him. Most of my mental flow got sideswiped by this. He is teaching with the Big Hammer. More to come later ... maybe ...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Getting Settled
So moving didn’t go as smoothly as I would have liked. I found I had WAY more stuff than I realized. Most of it junk and after spending a good solid week an a half of slowly packing stuff up, and throwing stuff away (I understand garage sales sooooo much better now) It took two loads of my car plus one load from my parents Ford Explorer to get me moved home. Not counting the one load left down in Pasadena at Dave Barry’s place (sorry!) that is becoming more of a hassle to get up to my parent’s place than expected.
On top of that I got sick. Mostly in the throat/sinus region of my body, and it is almost over and I’m hoping some good hard work will make my body kick into overdrive and kick the last of it. So what I had hoped was going to be a 2-day move up to Paso took the better part of a week. I’m finding that it isn’t a bad thing. Two of my aunts were in town so we got to annoy each other and cause trouble. I did make my first staff meeting on a short drive up and tried to get my calendar mostly in gear. Then went back to my parents place to get the rest of the stuff I would need for my 3 month tour.
While I was home I got this:
And life was awesome.
On top of that I got sick. Mostly in the throat/sinus region of my body, and it is almost over and I’m hoping some good hard work will make my body kick into overdrive and kick the last of it. So what I had hoped was going to be a 2-day move up to Paso took the better part of a week. I’m finding that it isn’t a bad thing. Two of my aunts were in town so we got to annoy each other and cause trouble. I did make my first staff meeting on a short drive up and tried to get my calendar mostly in gear. Then went back to my parents place to get the rest of the stuff I would need for my 3 month tour.
While I was home I got this:
And life was awesome.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Men of Issachar
1Chr 12:32: “Men of Issachar, who understood the times and knew what Israel should do.”
Finished my last day of preaching practicum today and our professor took a moment to stand on a soapbox for the sake of preaching. He recounted his experiences with Kennedy and MLK assassinations, Watergate with Nixon and then posed to us his reflections over the past 24 hours.
The Democratic Party supported and endorsed an African-American President.
The Republican Party announced that they would have a female Vice-President.
He went on to mention that as pastors we are better orators than anyone as it is our craft and livelihood. But his point was that, in a few months, history will be changed for better or worse. This Presidential campaign has deep implications for religious institutions. For people who are afraid of multi-ethnic situations, for people who are used to the gender dominance of males, and for every single institution of academic, religious, business, and social ladder.
As part of a younger generation I have known that a time would come when my colleagues at Fuller, notably on gender lines, would not have to worry about gender being an issue in the process of ordination. With the possibility of a female being moved to the second most powerful position in our nation I suspect that most of those issues will start to fade away. I suspect that the ethnic issues will fade as well.
As I’m getting ready to move into another stage of life with graduation, my professor reminded me that there will be many things that will change. One comment from class was ‘I wish Dr. Scholer could have lived just a few more days to see this VP nomination.’ I think he knew that the time was coming soon; All he had to do was look in the eyes of the women he taught. He could see it in their eyes. I can see it there myself.
1Chronicles still holds much of the patriarchy that is common in the Old Testament. We are keepers of a different context, and I’m just beginning to understand the times.
Finished my last day of preaching practicum today and our professor took a moment to stand on a soapbox for the sake of preaching. He recounted his experiences with Kennedy and MLK assassinations, Watergate with Nixon and then posed to us his reflections over the past 24 hours.
The Democratic Party supported and endorsed an African-American President.
The Republican Party announced that they would have a female Vice-President.
He went on to mention that as pastors we are better orators than anyone as it is our craft and livelihood. But his point was that, in a few months, history will be changed for better or worse. This Presidential campaign has deep implications for religious institutions. For people who are afraid of multi-ethnic situations, for people who are used to the gender dominance of males, and for every single institution of academic, religious, business, and social ladder.
As part of a younger generation I have known that a time would come when my colleagues at Fuller, notably on gender lines, would not have to worry about gender being an issue in the process of ordination. With the possibility of a female being moved to the second most powerful position in our nation I suspect that most of those issues will start to fade away. I suspect that the ethnic issues will fade as well.
As I’m getting ready to move into another stage of life with graduation, my professor reminded me that there will be many things that will change. One comment from class was ‘I wish Dr. Scholer could have lived just a few more days to see this VP nomination.’ I think he knew that the time was coming soon; All he had to do was look in the eyes of the women he taught. He could see it in their eyes. I can see it there myself.
1Chronicles still holds much of the patriarchy that is common in the Old Testament. We are keepers of a different context, and I’m just beginning to understand the times.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
T-minus 7 days
I’m moving in a week. This is a mixed bag of emotions for more than one reason.
I’m going to preface what follows with the following statement. In the past 7 days I have taken ‘Ords’, which are basically 4 ugly nasty cruel tests that are, in my opinion, designed to drive the most sane person crazy, and someone like me to madness. On top of this I have had to preach a sermon for class. You have been warned.
I can remember when some of my other friends left Seminary, and while they were still close I didn’t have a pile of really good friends just suddenly up and disappear. So now with me getting up and disappearing, I have that sense of losing a pile of wonderful friends. But right now I just have a sense of loss as I’m having to say goodbye to not just friends but people who I hope to call colleagues in ministry.
Now I have always been a relationship guy and as a confession most of the angry posts from April-May or so finally came back around and I had to look at myself in the mirror and realize I was the jerk. Reconciling relationships or developing relationships are a central point in my life and really drive the core of my being. I finally reconciled that situation and even though it was done somewhere between the tenth and eleventh hour it is done, and I feel peace, and I was wrong … so very very wrong … to be angry.
In some ways I’m trying to tie all the loose ends I have up and feel like I have closure with those around me. I’ve just made 2 new friends on my hall and I’m going to be gone as suddenly as I arrived. It will be sad because they are two very interesting people.
Part of me wants to vent about Ords but at the end of the day I wonder how much of that is a means to answer the specific questions and how much of it is do we know how to use the methods we have learned. I still think some of the questions we were asked came from left field … Deep deep left field … and others were very appropriate for formation. The part that I keep trying to come back to is the pastoral nature of the tests, this succeeds … right now … about 30% of the time. The pastoral parts of the questions are what make the test worth the effort and the experience.
Maybe it is this intersection that is making me think right now. Or maybe it is a need to speak in non-intellectual terms and prose. Maybe I’m just trying to get back to the place where I can talk normal.
I’m going to preface what follows with the following statement. In the past 7 days I have taken ‘Ords’, which are basically 4 ugly nasty cruel tests that are, in my opinion, designed to drive the most sane person crazy, and someone like me to madness. On top of this I have had to preach a sermon for class. You have been warned.
I can remember when some of my other friends left Seminary, and while they were still close I didn’t have a pile of really good friends just suddenly up and disappear. So now with me getting up and disappearing, I have that sense of losing a pile of wonderful friends. But right now I just have a sense of loss as I’m having to say goodbye to not just friends but people who I hope to call colleagues in ministry.
Now I have always been a relationship guy and as a confession most of the angry posts from April-May or so finally came back around and I had to look at myself in the mirror and realize I was the jerk. Reconciling relationships or developing relationships are a central point in my life and really drive the core of my being. I finally reconciled that situation and even though it was done somewhere between the tenth and eleventh hour it is done, and I feel peace, and I was wrong … so very very wrong … to be angry.
In some ways I’m trying to tie all the loose ends I have up and feel like I have closure with those around me. I’ve just made 2 new friends on my hall and I’m going to be gone as suddenly as I arrived. It will be sad because they are two very interesting people.
Part of me wants to vent about Ords but at the end of the day I wonder how much of that is a means to answer the specific questions and how much of it is do we know how to use the methods we have learned. I still think some of the questions we were asked came from left field … Deep deep left field … and others were very appropriate for formation. The part that I keep trying to come back to is the pastoral nature of the tests, this succeeds … right now … about 30% of the time. The pastoral parts of the questions are what make the test worth the effort and the experience.
Maybe it is this intersection that is making me think right now. Or maybe it is a need to speak in non-intellectual terms and prose. Maybe I’m just trying to get back to the place where I can talk normal.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I Miss Having a Driveway
Something I was thinking about a month ago while I was home for a few days before my intensive started. Probably around the 4th of July or so, I think I was home for Mom’s Bday. Anywho I remember spending the time inside my parent’s house, having a driveway to wash my car, a backyard with grass, plants to tend and garden, or plants to have your children tend. It isn’t about the driveway but rather the sense of a house and a building that is a place to call your own.
I think after having lived in an apartment for almost two and a half years on a renting agreement I had forgotten what that sense of ownership does. It isn’t that I haven’t done some nice things with my very small space, but rather all the things that I wish I had time to do, or want to do, or would do if I knew I was going to live here for another 5-10 years. But there is something about having a driveway that appeals to me.
This apartment/condo living where basically the landlords build parking lots around buildings just don’t appeal to me anymore. It is a way to live, but it just doesn’t feel like home to me. Now I’m not sure if it is that I’m just getting older or graduating or having a late 20s crisis of life, but I have never had this sense of needing a ‘house’ to feel like I’m living. But the more I think about it, and as I helped some friends move from an apartment complex into a house, I find that I miss having a house with a driveway.
I think there is something inherent in a house that is welcoming, inviting, and feels like a place of rest. I have seen this not only in my parent’s house but also in some of the people that live in houses that have been converted to housing by Fuller. Some of the intentional communities are just welcoming just by the nature of their construction. It isn’t like your walking into a two-room place where there is a living room/study room and then a bedroom that is just used for sleeping. But a house has this living room, where you like … live (weird I know) … and beds and study places are tucked away behind doors and there is a sense of division between work and play.
I think it is a little like multitasking … I have a studio loft, which is basically a one-room thing with an upper floor where I store my bed and clothing. The downstairs is my study room, living room, kitchen, dining room, music room, library and spare bedroom all in one. I can entertain dinner for 6 but I have to fold up my coffee table hide it under my couch/futon (which is where I keep my guitar cases when not in use), slide the couch/futon about 4 feet, and then pull another chair out of my closet for 4, barrow 2 more chairs if I want to do 6, and set a table that is a little tight even with 3.
I love cooking for others, and as a general rule I find the most joy in my life when I am serving others. Often that is in the form of food, but functions in conversation as well. I would host more … if I felt like it wasn’t a chore to do so. So I miss my driveway where 4 cars could drive up and unload guests to share food and fellowship (and maybe an occasional game) for the sole sake of having a place that doesn’t just feel like home, but is home.
Maybe it also has something to do with the issue that I’m moving in a month too. Could have something to do with this as well.
I think after having lived in an apartment for almost two and a half years on a renting agreement I had forgotten what that sense of ownership does. It isn’t that I haven’t done some nice things with my very small space, but rather all the things that I wish I had time to do, or want to do, or would do if I knew I was going to live here for another 5-10 years. But there is something about having a driveway that appeals to me.
This apartment/condo living where basically the landlords build parking lots around buildings just don’t appeal to me anymore. It is a way to live, but it just doesn’t feel like home to me. Now I’m not sure if it is that I’m just getting older or graduating or having a late 20s crisis of life, but I have never had this sense of needing a ‘house’ to feel like I’m living. But the more I think about it, and as I helped some friends move from an apartment complex into a house, I find that I miss having a house with a driveway.
I think there is something inherent in a house that is welcoming, inviting, and feels like a place of rest. I have seen this not only in my parent’s house but also in some of the people that live in houses that have been converted to housing by Fuller. Some of the intentional communities are just welcoming just by the nature of their construction. It isn’t like your walking into a two-room place where there is a living room/study room and then a bedroom that is just used for sleeping. But a house has this living room, where you like … live (weird I know) … and beds and study places are tucked away behind doors and there is a sense of division between work and play.
I think it is a little like multitasking … I have a studio loft, which is basically a one-room thing with an upper floor where I store my bed and clothing. The downstairs is my study room, living room, kitchen, dining room, music room, library and spare bedroom all in one. I can entertain dinner for 6 but I have to fold up my coffee table hide it under my couch/futon (which is where I keep my guitar cases when not in use), slide the couch/futon about 4 feet, and then pull another chair out of my closet for 4, barrow 2 more chairs if I want to do 6, and set a table that is a little tight even with 3.
I love cooking for others, and as a general rule I find the most joy in my life when I am serving others. Often that is in the form of food, but functions in conversation as well. I would host more … if I felt like it wasn’t a chore to do so. So I miss my driveway where 4 cars could drive up and unload guests to share food and fellowship (and maybe an occasional game) for the sole sake of having a place that doesn’t just feel like home, but is home.
Maybe it also has something to do with the issue that I’m moving in a month too. Could have something to do with this as well.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
We blasted the control pannel for the bridge
So I have a clear head about some stuff and feel like I need to make a calm statement in response to my ‘uppity’ statement regarding Holy Spirit things.
A little background … I have no doubt that the gifts of the Holy Spirit work today. I have no doubt that I have a couple, and I’m man enough to admit that I get them wrong sometimes. Secondly, I process things very slowly. Like tell me a thinking joke and I’ll get it two days later and just bust out laughing for no reason … (Awkward Turtle). The other part of this comes from a rather odd definition of the term ‘Faith’ as defined by one of my systematic theology professors (I think) … ‘Faith is not what you believe, but what you cannot deny.’ I cannot deny some of the things that I have seen, done, or heard of. I cannot deny that people are stupid at times as well; nor can I deny that we get it wrong sometimes. So I end up somewhere in the idea that Anslem stated: “Faith seeking Understanding.”
I guess where I end up is a disconnect with the basic statement of needing a ‘quantity of faith’ for the Holy Spirit to work, without also stating the fact that God is the source of faith giving (at least in my theological world), and is there a statement that would make more sense that combines the Faith and Sovereignty issue. And this is the issue that I’m trying to figure out, it feels like there should be a bridge between the two. I can see some of it, but it falls in the realm of the ‘so-and-so died for a reason’ which is neither comforting or should EVER be said to someone.
I find the bible a little fuzzy on this issue as well. In some cases there are Roman soldiers who come up for the sake of a servant and ask for healing without needing Christ to come, and at the same time you have the opposite end where the Disciples can’t heal a boy and Christ points to a lack of faith. And while these are just points on a spectrum it seems like there is always a connect of points on one side or the other between faith or lack of faith. While I would like to try to describe this as an ‘on-or-off’ situation I don’t think that it is that simple. While most of the time there are the sudden and immediate responses, there are those things that take a little longer to get answer from. That’s why I like the bridge analogy rather than the switch.
I guess I’m getting this picture of like a ropes course team-building thing. Where you have a group of people that are trying to do things together, but each individual person still has to do their own part. And there is the illusion of fear with heights and a quick what if cycle that leads towards the worst-case scenario. An individual still has to get across to the other side. The strange thing is that there is encouragement from both sides. Those who have gone before, who get it and who are beckoning you towards them; and those behind you, watching your every step, not sure if they want you to fall or to succeed.
I know that success would be the best case, but failing might be another worthwhile option. In failure there is a need to regroup and refocus. I kinda like failure if only in the sense that in failure faith is what has to carry a person. It means that a person dared to do what others considered foolish and ill advised. But they tried to get across, and got saved by the equipment holding them up. Then we figure out what went wrong, and we succeed or fail at that.
I’m digressing and trying to work my way back, but there is a place where God is involved somewhere, but I just can quite figure out how say it or how it works with my limited vocabulary. Whilst I still have faith and still acknowledge all the things that the Holy Spirit does, logical and sometimes crazy, I wish I had words to better verbalize or to figure out where people are coming from. I feel like I’ve already crossed the bridge, but I’m looking back to try to figure out how it stands up, and how in the world I got across. Just a little understanding.
Even when the rain comes/Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes/I am washed by the water
A little background … I have no doubt that the gifts of the Holy Spirit work today. I have no doubt that I have a couple, and I’m man enough to admit that I get them wrong sometimes. Secondly, I process things very slowly. Like tell me a thinking joke and I’ll get it two days later and just bust out laughing for no reason … (Awkward Turtle). The other part of this comes from a rather odd definition of the term ‘Faith’ as defined by one of my systematic theology professors (I think) … ‘Faith is not what you believe, but what you cannot deny.’ I cannot deny some of the things that I have seen, done, or heard of. I cannot deny that people are stupid at times as well; nor can I deny that we get it wrong sometimes. So I end up somewhere in the idea that Anslem stated: “Faith seeking Understanding.”
I guess where I end up is a disconnect with the basic statement of needing a ‘quantity of faith’ for the Holy Spirit to work, without also stating the fact that God is the source of faith giving (at least in my theological world), and is there a statement that would make more sense that combines the Faith and Sovereignty issue. And this is the issue that I’m trying to figure out, it feels like there should be a bridge between the two. I can see some of it, but it falls in the realm of the ‘so-and-so died for a reason’ which is neither comforting or should EVER be said to someone.
I find the bible a little fuzzy on this issue as well. In some cases there are Roman soldiers who come up for the sake of a servant and ask for healing without needing Christ to come, and at the same time you have the opposite end where the Disciples can’t heal a boy and Christ points to a lack of faith. And while these are just points on a spectrum it seems like there is always a connect of points on one side or the other between faith or lack of faith. While I would like to try to describe this as an ‘on-or-off’ situation I don’t think that it is that simple. While most of the time there are the sudden and immediate responses, there are those things that take a little longer to get answer from. That’s why I like the bridge analogy rather than the switch.
I guess I’m getting this picture of like a ropes course team-building thing. Where you have a group of people that are trying to do things together, but each individual person still has to do their own part. And there is the illusion of fear with heights and a quick what if cycle that leads towards the worst-case scenario. An individual still has to get across to the other side. The strange thing is that there is encouragement from both sides. Those who have gone before, who get it and who are beckoning you towards them; and those behind you, watching your every step, not sure if they want you to fall or to succeed.
I know that success would be the best case, but failing might be another worthwhile option. In failure there is a need to regroup and refocus. I kinda like failure if only in the sense that in failure faith is what has to carry a person. It means that a person dared to do what others considered foolish and ill advised. But they tried to get across, and got saved by the equipment holding them up. Then we figure out what went wrong, and we succeed or fail at that.
I’m digressing and trying to work my way back, but there is a place where God is involved somewhere, but I just can quite figure out how say it or how it works with my limited vocabulary. Whilst I still have faith and still acknowledge all the things that the Holy Spirit does, logical and sometimes crazy, I wish I had words to better verbalize or to figure out where people are coming from. I feel like I’ve already crossed the bridge, but I’m looking back to try to figure out how it stands up, and how in the world I got across. Just a little understanding.
Even when the rain comes/Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes/I am washed by the water
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
On Sunsets
I think I've decided that something like a sunset is not something that can be described or captured in a picture, but must be experienced. This coming from driving back from San Diego during the sunset and wishing I had my camera out, and then thinking ... 'Ya know, I wouldn't know which moment was the best. And I have to do all this driving too.'
It was a calm sunset, and you had to be there, sorry.
It was a calm sunset, and you had to be there, sorry.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Oh Saddleback
As a preface I’m not a huge fan of big churches. You get over about 1000 people and I start to wonder how ministry will get done and how it can be helpful for the people in the congregation. I know that things like small groups have developed but I’m still a little skeptical. But I have a strong saying that I won’t knock something ‘fully’ till I get down and experience it for myself.
So 4 of my friends packed into a car and drove down to Saddleback to see the purpose driven church in all its splendor and people. I was not disappointed, but I was also surprised at some of the things I saw that made me take a second look.
Before I talk ‘programming’ I just need to comment on how beautiful the church campus is. I didn’t take my camera but I’ll link stuff after people post up some pictures. We basically called it the Disneyland church because EVERYTHING has a theme down to fish tanks, lockers, video games, and even a brewery type of feel. The landscaping has waterfalls, beautiful gardens, pathways and rocks that pipe sound from the main service (oh yes … they were singing). The main ‘worship center’ was basically a warehouse that you didn’t realize was a warehouse until you looked closely. Everything was pretty masked in terms of function vs aesthetic (Don’t ask me where I picked up the aesthetic piece but I did it at Bel Air Pres. too). Everything felt very Orange County and was rather impressive.
So after hearing the rocks cry out (which was kinda weird in the sense that they should only do that if no one is singing praise to God), we went in and heard the sermon. In an auditorium of about … 2k people, the topic of the day was the Nicene Creed (no I can’t get away from them.) and the interesting thing was the polarity between what was taught and what we saw happen. The Nicene Creed is centered around a ‘We believe’ as opposed to an ‘I believe’ structure, and the sermon continued on with a message about being within a connected group of people and becoming relationally active within the context of the church.
Here’s where it got fun, people watching …
So the sermon ends, and about 5-10% of the people get up and leave outright. Now in fairness (and my mom pointed this out) I don’t know if they were going to stations, or just leaving to go home, but a noticeable number of people just got up out of their seats and left. And we still had an offertory and announcements to do. Then in a final plea the preacher (Doug Fields just fyi) asked the congregation to meet some of the people around them. And meet they did, in line to get in line to get to their cars to get home. Moses couldn’t have parted them no matter how much he wanted to. So the five of us just sat and watched this congregation walk out and maybe another 5% stayed around to just talk.
-----
As we were walking to the main worship center we passed a number of ‘tents’ that had alternate styles of music and then would pipe in the sermon from the main worship center. And we joked a little at the fact that we were attending the ‘consumer church.’ For as much as that is a true statement, what I will take away from the trip down is that the pastoral staff is aware of it, knows about it, and is desperately trying to figure how to build relationships, community, and intelligence about the Gospel message. This fact alone is what I took away from my trip. Not the glitz or the glamour or the ‘themes’ of each area … but that this monster of a church is trying to figure out how to drive this monstrosity of a ship they have built and not run aground for the sole purpose of teaching Christians how to follow Christ, and live in community. I think I left that day with a much more sympathetic ear, and a much more open heart rather than my normal setting of ‘cynicism.’
God help them.
So 4 of my friends packed into a car and drove down to Saddleback to see the purpose driven church in all its splendor and people. I was not disappointed, but I was also surprised at some of the things I saw that made me take a second look.
Before I talk ‘programming’ I just need to comment on how beautiful the church campus is. I didn’t take my camera but I’ll link stuff after people post up some pictures. We basically called it the Disneyland church because EVERYTHING has a theme down to fish tanks, lockers, video games, and even a brewery type of feel. The landscaping has waterfalls, beautiful gardens, pathways and rocks that pipe sound from the main service (oh yes … they were singing). The main ‘worship center’ was basically a warehouse that you didn’t realize was a warehouse until you looked closely. Everything was pretty masked in terms of function vs aesthetic (Don’t ask me where I picked up the aesthetic piece but I did it at Bel Air Pres. too). Everything felt very Orange County and was rather impressive.
So after hearing the rocks cry out (which was kinda weird in the sense that they should only do that if no one is singing praise to God), we went in and heard the sermon. In an auditorium of about … 2k people, the topic of the day was the Nicene Creed (no I can’t get away from them.) and the interesting thing was the polarity between what was taught and what we saw happen. The Nicene Creed is centered around a ‘We believe’ as opposed to an ‘I believe’ structure, and the sermon continued on with a message about being within a connected group of people and becoming relationally active within the context of the church.
Here’s where it got fun, people watching …
So the sermon ends, and about 5-10% of the people get up and leave outright. Now in fairness (and my mom pointed this out) I don’t know if they were going to stations, or just leaving to go home, but a noticeable number of people just got up out of their seats and left. And we still had an offertory and announcements to do. Then in a final plea the preacher (Doug Fields just fyi) asked the congregation to meet some of the people around them. And meet they did, in line to get in line to get to their cars to get home. Moses couldn’t have parted them no matter how much he wanted to. So the five of us just sat and watched this congregation walk out and maybe another 5% stayed around to just talk.
-----
As we were walking to the main worship center we passed a number of ‘tents’ that had alternate styles of music and then would pipe in the sermon from the main worship center. And we joked a little at the fact that we were attending the ‘consumer church.’ For as much as that is a true statement, what I will take away from the trip down is that the pastoral staff is aware of it, knows about it, and is desperately trying to figure how to build relationships, community, and intelligence about the Gospel message. This fact alone is what I took away from my trip. Not the glitz or the glamour or the ‘themes’ of each area … but that this monster of a church is trying to figure out how to drive this monstrosity of a ship they have built and not run aground for the sole purpose of teaching Christians how to follow Christ, and live in community. I think I left that day with a much more sympathetic ear, and a much more open heart rather than my normal setting of ‘cynicism.’
God help them.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
If your Jedi Mind Tricks don't work, use the lightsaber
Where to begin …
Superficial updates
The Dark Knight - Go see it, it isn’t overly ‘scary’ but it is very dark and the late Heath Ledger may have gone insane from doing this role.
Two week break - Will be making a couple of trips to San Diego to see my fam while the fam is on vacation. But it won’t be much of a break.
I’m moving up to Paso Robles sometime shortly after Sept 1 (My last day of living in my apartment is Sept 6th. *sigh*) So in a way … last call.
Here is the point where I pull my really big hammer out.
I still don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just say that the hammer is out and I’m talking about Creeds class. In short I think I would have liked the ‘planned’ material if the ‘planned’ material had actually been covered. The unplanned material however was as controversial as it was uninformed. What I saw and heard and experienced was … well lets just say I’m not happy.
Issue 1: Homosexuality - Right on the heels of the Presbyterian General Assembly (that I heard was not very orderly), we of course have to talk about the proposed Constitutional and Creedal changes, as a point of concession we can talk about the creedal ‘adjustment’ but the Constitutional changes and the other stuff that is related to the issue was more a waste of my time than anything. We had been talking about it for about a month since before GA and will continue to talk about it for the next year as the votes come in. Yes it is a big issue, but it is also a dead horse, I really don’t want to hear your opinion. At this point opinions I will listen to are votes cast one way or another. As clarification I will listen to you if you are a friend and we are able to discuss, but I think I’m not far off when I say that all of my friends are a little sick of it. Moving on …
Issue 2: Gifting and Movement of the Holy Spirit - I think I’ll back into this slow by saying that this is a dangerous and often perilous mire of quicksand. A little background on me: I got an intellectual instruction to the Holy Spirit while I was in college, where the college group I was attending did a 15 week summer series on the Holy Spirit. This was in a Calvary Chapel context and I very much had walked away from my Presbyterian roots, but they were there, I just didn’t realize it. From that I have continued to pray and ask for God’s guidance and wisdom as I use what I consider to be some of my own gifts.
We opened with discussion on Lakeland Church and Todd Bentley’s revivals going on in Florida. We had a Pentecostal prophet come in and do his thing. We had Presbyterian pastor come in who lost his job and sparked the General Assembly to look into how the Holy Spirit works and to give guidance to the denomination about how they function in a reformed understanding. And then of course we have our professor’s input. Under this were numerous articles being transferred on the ‘black market email’ that showed a different side of the Lakeland issue, the prophet sticking his foot in his mouth (outside of class), and a sense of existential dread would form when the professor would begin to smile a Holy Spirit Smile (TM). The Presbyterian pastor did right by the class and I hope to build a friendship there before he reaches the point where he passes on.
I’m not going to go into detail about the specific things said in class but lets talk a little about … what do I want to call this … ‘selective disclosure’ … It wasn’t until the last day of class that the other side of the Lakeland Church (ie the ‘horror’ stories) were even discussed and only because they were brought up by one of the … shall we say inner six. (I would have done it but I know better than to speak out in raw anger as I only stick my foot in my own mouth. Btw we need a name for that group … srsly.) However our professor simply deflected the issue by saying ‘Of course there will be counter points to something like this, you just have to decide for yourself’ … to which I want to ask, how can we make that decision unless we are given all the details. And you could tell the weak minded peons that did not have Jedi skills to resist the Mind Trick. (This is not the movement of the Holy Spirit you are looking for.)
* deep breath *
I heard it said once that a person once had a preference for praying spontaneously in front of a congregation during worship and often asked why people wrote out prayers. The person said that ‘the Spirit would move when he got up to the podium/lectern/microphone and that the concerns would just come.’ One person who enjoyed writing prayers was confronted by the Spirit prayer person, and the response to the questioning was another question: ‘Are you saying that the Holy Spirit can’t move through the use of ink and paper? Because I have a Bible that says otherwise.’
1Cor 14 talks about how the Holy Spirit functions in a sense of order and functionality and not out of disorder. I felt lots of disorder in this class and in some of the stories that I read about Lakeland. The only sense of order was in the Presbyterian Pastor … and he is the one without a ‘job’ … funny.
Superficial updates
The Dark Knight - Go see it, it isn’t overly ‘scary’ but it is very dark and the late Heath Ledger may have gone insane from doing this role.
Two week break - Will be making a couple of trips to San Diego to see my fam while the fam is on vacation. But it won’t be much of a break.
I’m moving up to Paso Robles sometime shortly after Sept 1 (My last day of living in my apartment is Sept 6th. *sigh*) So in a way … last call.
Here is the point where I pull my really big hammer out.
I still don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just say that the hammer is out and I’m talking about Creeds class. In short I think I would have liked the ‘planned’ material if the ‘planned’ material had actually been covered. The unplanned material however was as controversial as it was uninformed. What I saw and heard and experienced was … well lets just say I’m not happy.
Issue 1: Homosexuality - Right on the heels of the Presbyterian General Assembly (that I heard was not very orderly), we of course have to talk about the proposed Constitutional and Creedal changes, as a point of concession we can talk about the creedal ‘adjustment’ but the Constitutional changes and the other stuff that is related to the issue was more a waste of my time than anything. We had been talking about it for about a month since before GA and will continue to talk about it for the next year as the votes come in. Yes it is a big issue, but it is also a dead horse, I really don’t want to hear your opinion. At this point opinions I will listen to are votes cast one way or another. As clarification I will listen to you if you are a friend and we are able to discuss, but I think I’m not far off when I say that all of my friends are a little sick of it. Moving on …
Issue 2: Gifting and Movement of the Holy Spirit - I think I’ll back into this slow by saying that this is a dangerous and often perilous mire of quicksand. A little background on me: I got an intellectual instruction to the Holy Spirit while I was in college, where the college group I was attending did a 15 week summer series on the Holy Spirit. This was in a Calvary Chapel context and I very much had walked away from my Presbyterian roots, but they were there, I just didn’t realize it. From that I have continued to pray and ask for God’s guidance and wisdom as I use what I consider to be some of my own gifts.
We opened with discussion on Lakeland Church and Todd Bentley’s revivals going on in Florida. We had a Pentecostal prophet come in and do his thing. We had Presbyterian pastor come in who lost his job and sparked the General Assembly to look into how the Holy Spirit works and to give guidance to the denomination about how they function in a reformed understanding. And then of course we have our professor’s input. Under this were numerous articles being transferred on the ‘black market email’ that showed a different side of the Lakeland issue, the prophet sticking his foot in his mouth (outside of class), and a sense of existential dread would form when the professor would begin to smile a Holy Spirit Smile (TM). The Presbyterian pastor did right by the class and I hope to build a friendship there before he reaches the point where he passes on.
I’m not going to go into detail about the specific things said in class but lets talk a little about … what do I want to call this … ‘selective disclosure’ … It wasn’t until the last day of class that the other side of the Lakeland Church (ie the ‘horror’ stories) were even discussed and only because they were brought up by one of the … shall we say inner six. (I would have done it but I know better than to speak out in raw anger as I only stick my foot in my own mouth. Btw we need a name for that group … srsly.) However our professor simply deflected the issue by saying ‘Of course there will be counter points to something like this, you just have to decide for yourself’ … to which I want to ask, how can we make that decision unless we are given all the details. And you could tell the weak minded peons that did not have Jedi skills to resist the Mind Trick. (This is not the movement of the Holy Spirit you are looking for.)
* deep breath *
I heard it said once that a person once had a preference for praying spontaneously in front of a congregation during worship and often asked why people wrote out prayers. The person said that ‘the Spirit would move when he got up to the podium/lectern/microphone and that the concerns would just come.’ One person who enjoyed writing prayers was confronted by the Spirit prayer person, and the response to the questioning was another question: ‘Are you saying that the Holy Spirit can’t move through the use of ink and paper? Because I have a Bible that says otherwise.’
1Cor 14 talks about how the Holy Spirit functions in a sense of order and functionality and not out of disorder. I felt lots of disorder in this class and in some of the stories that I read about Lakeland. The only sense of order was in the Presbyterian Pastor … and he is the one without a ‘job’ … funny.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
A Call to Arms
Ok … it has been a feisty day … this is a feisty post … you have been warned.
The class I am currently in feels like a waste of my time, to the extent of what I was expecting it to be. What has come out of it is chatting with my fellow students during the course of the class about this denomination that I’m about to enter, which has not been a waste of time. What my classmates and I have discovered is that none of us agree except on the issue of scripture. Once we start to interpret it … everything gets a little fuzzy. (or at least this is my point of view … and I have fuzzy logic to begin with … I warned you.)
What we are kinda finding out is that we all have calls to the denomination, but not so much the ‘How’ and in some cases the ‘Why’ with not much of a response. As much as I have come to love questions I found myself in conversation with a classmate after class and finding out how much I value the opinions of others, not only presently but in the sense that as I’m going forward in ministry I’m going to be dealing with this beast of polity, red tape, and theological differences with these same people. And that these people who I call my friends, are going to become my peers and colleagues in steering this religious denomination that literally spans the world. Intimidating … yes. Doable … I dunno but I think we are going to find out. But I would rather have my friends at the table on whichever side of the argument than be fighting with and against people who I have no relationship with. I can ‘work’ with people I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean I like it. One because I normally function like a blunt instrument in direct confrontation, which has the ability to rub people the wrong way; and second because I respond better if someone blunt-instruments me back (read instruments as a verb).
There is another soapbox that I need to get up on, but I think for now I’ll finish here. My friends who read this I hope you take the following statement to heart. I’m of the mind to give our denomination a good looking at and challenge some things that I don’t really like, or I wish they would do better. I’m not asking you to pick one side over another on whatever may come, but to pick one and stand. And if by chance you want to lead I will stand, with or against, but I will stand.
The class I am currently in feels like a waste of my time, to the extent of what I was expecting it to be. What has come out of it is chatting with my fellow students during the course of the class about this denomination that I’m about to enter, which has not been a waste of time. What my classmates and I have discovered is that none of us agree except on the issue of scripture. Once we start to interpret it … everything gets a little fuzzy. (or at least this is my point of view … and I have fuzzy logic to begin with … I warned you.)
What we are kinda finding out is that we all have calls to the denomination, but not so much the ‘How’ and in some cases the ‘Why’ with not much of a response. As much as I have come to love questions I found myself in conversation with a classmate after class and finding out how much I value the opinions of others, not only presently but in the sense that as I’m going forward in ministry I’m going to be dealing with this beast of polity, red tape, and theological differences with these same people. And that these people who I call my friends, are going to become my peers and colleagues in steering this religious denomination that literally spans the world. Intimidating … yes. Doable … I dunno but I think we are going to find out. But I would rather have my friends at the table on whichever side of the argument than be fighting with and against people who I have no relationship with. I can ‘work’ with people I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean I like it. One because I normally function like a blunt instrument in direct confrontation, which has the ability to rub people the wrong way; and second because I respond better if someone blunt-instruments me back (read instruments as a verb).
There is another soapbox that I need to get up on, but I think for now I’ll finish here. My friends who read this I hope you take the following statement to heart. I’m of the mind to give our denomination a good looking at and challenge some things that I don’t really like, or I wish they would do better. I’m not asking you to pick one side over another on whatever may come, but to pick one and stand. And if by chance you want to lead I will stand, with or against, but I will stand.
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The Good
So I went up to Highlands Adventure in Paso Robles where I’m going to do my internship starting in September. I got up there on Sat morning as they were finishing a 3 day event, and stayed through till Wednesday.
I’m excited.
I found out that there are people that are crazier than I am.
So the Saturday event was basically a community open flag football camp. I showed up and they had about 140ish kids (give or take 10) and about a third of them were not from the church. I got to see the whole gang in action as they were just having fun and being themselves. I meet the gang that I was spending the weekend with and had lunch and dinner with them and just had a mellow evening meeting some of the rest of the church at dinner. There was a missions thing going on and I attended and had a wonderful time. I went to bed early cause I had to get up early to be at the ‘church’ at 5:30 to help set up.
Now … basically they have to do a full sound and lighting setup between 5:30 and 7:30 to have a first service by 8am. This is a little crazy, they can get the stuff set up in about an hour and are adjusting for 15 minutes and sound checking from 6:30 on. This is because they don’t have a church building, although they are working on that. They also set up two other rooms for 0-5 year olds, and 6-12 year olds, and a third room for over flow with video and audio being transferred in. And by rooms … I mean theaters.
They convert 4 theaters in a movie theater into 4 ‘rooms.’ Now here is the crazy part … they have services at 8, 9:15, and 10:30, which run for 1 hr on a very very tight time limit. The first movie showing is normally at 11am. This leads to … shall we say some cross over. What takes about an hour to unload and set up is torn down and placed outside for loading in 30 min flat. I went to the 8am service and then just kinda walked around for the rest of them to help clean up afterwards. And it was almost too much to take in as the church actually has a sense of community that I don’t think some smaller churches have. This might be the fact that the two main towns are kinda isolated due to no civilization for about 15-20 min on the south to San Luis Obispo, 2 hrs to the east for Fresno or Bakersfield, and about 2ish hours to the north up to Salinas.
Anywho after everything was packed up by about 12:30 or so, and everyone looked like they needed a nap I got an invitation to ‘squeet’ so we went and got ‘something to eat.’ After that I ‘think’ I got a nap, but I don’t remember much.
Monday was another lunch day, had a meeting w/ the pastor, met most of the staff, ‘squeet’d, saw Wall-E and just had a mellow day. Tuesday I drove around town, and then spent the day with the worship pastor and went with him as he took his car into the shop, which ended up taking about 4 hrs before they finally gave us a loaner car to go back up. But it was time well spent. Wednesday I went to staff meeting, the Pastor’s bible study and then drove back to my parents home to spend the 4th with and celebrate my mom’s Bday.
I think what was the most interesting was the fact that I (and a couple people on staff) almost think they should stay in the theater as long as they can. If only from the numerous reports of the following conversation (with variation):
“Hey (so and so), what are you doing here?”
“Oh I just got out of church.”
“Church in a movie theater? Interesting, I’ll have to come back and take a look”
My emergent church friends are getting a warm fuzzy I’m sure :)
The Bad
Gets skipped over and goes right to …
The Ugly
There are times I hate being right, and I’m in one of those right now. About 2 months ago I called something to the date, and it came true give or take a week from when I called it. I feel like the reluctant prophet and I feel this deep pit in my stomach that just churns away at something other than the breakfast I just had. I told a couple people about it, including one who regularly reads this blog, I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but email/call/talk to me and I’ll let you in on the story.
Then again most of the prophets had this message of God’s love, but most of the time the breaking and the repentance had to come first. I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come.
So I went up to Highlands Adventure in Paso Robles where I’m going to do my internship starting in September. I got up there on Sat morning as they were finishing a 3 day event, and stayed through till Wednesday.
I’m excited.
I found out that there are people that are crazier than I am.
So the Saturday event was basically a community open flag football camp. I showed up and they had about 140ish kids (give or take 10) and about a third of them were not from the church. I got to see the whole gang in action as they were just having fun and being themselves. I meet the gang that I was spending the weekend with and had lunch and dinner with them and just had a mellow evening meeting some of the rest of the church at dinner. There was a missions thing going on and I attended and had a wonderful time. I went to bed early cause I had to get up early to be at the ‘church’ at 5:30 to help set up.
Now … basically they have to do a full sound and lighting setup between 5:30 and 7:30 to have a first service by 8am. This is a little crazy, they can get the stuff set up in about an hour and are adjusting for 15 minutes and sound checking from 6:30 on. This is because they don’t have a church building, although they are working on that. They also set up two other rooms for 0-5 year olds, and 6-12 year olds, and a third room for over flow with video and audio being transferred in. And by rooms … I mean theaters.
A look from outside.
Now playing: The Dark Knight, Mamma Mia, and Church. Showtimes listed.
Walking in the front doors.
Down the hall for Kids.
They convert 4 theaters in a movie theater into 4 ‘rooms.’ Now here is the crazy part … they have services at 8, 9:15, and 10:30, which run for 1 hr on a very very tight time limit. The first movie showing is normally at 11am. This leads to … shall we say some cross over. What takes about an hour to unload and set up is torn down and placed outside for loading in 30 min flat. I went to the 8am service and then just kinda walked around for the rest of them to help clean up afterwards. And it was almost too much to take in as the church actually has a sense of community that I don’t think some smaller churches have. This might be the fact that the two main towns are kinda isolated due to no civilization for about 15-20 min on the south to San Luis Obispo, 2 hrs to the east for Fresno or Bakersfield, and about 2ish hours to the north up to Salinas.
Anywho after everything was packed up by about 12:30 or so, and everyone looked like they needed a nap I got an invitation to ‘squeet’ so we went and got ‘something to eat.’ After that I ‘think’ I got a nap, but I don’t remember much.
Monday was another lunch day, had a meeting w/ the pastor, met most of the staff, ‘squeet’d, saw Wall-E and just had a mellow day. Tuesday I drove around town, and then spent the day with the worship pastor and went with him as he took his car into the shop, which ended up taking about 4 hrs before they finally gave us a loaner car to go back up. But it was time well spent. Wednesday I went to staff meeting, the Pastor’s bible study and then drove back to my parents home to spend the 4th with and celebrate my mom’s Bday.
I think what was the most interesting was the fact that I (and a couple people on staff) almost think they should stay in the theater as long as they can. If only from the numerous reports of the following conversation (with variation):
“Hey (so and so), what are you doing here?”
“Oh I just got out of church.”
“Church in a movie theater? Interesting, I’ll have to come back and take a look”
My emergent church friends are getting a warm fuzzy I’m sure :)
The Bad
Gets skipped over and goes right to …
The Ugly
There are times I hate being right, and I’m in one of those right now. About 2 months ago I called something to the date, and it came true give or take a week from when I called it. I feel like the reluctant prophet and I feel this deep pit in my stomach that just churns away at something other than the breakfast I just had. I told a couple people about it, including one who regularly reads this blog, I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but email/call/talk to me and I’ll let you in on the story.
Then again most of the prophets had this message of God’s love, but most of the time the breaking and the repentance had to come first. I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Faith, Hope, and Love
Every now and again I get all serious about navigating the deep dark places of my own soul. Sometimes I’ll invite friends on the journey but most of the time this is a solo travel. I’ve been doing a little navigating recently and most of it has been centered around a desire to love specific people in my life that are just easier to be angry with sometimes. A few days ago I finally looked in the mirror and asked myself ‘why are you angry?’ I still don’t have a good answer.
If you look through a few of my recent blogs that are not just random spouting of gibberish and sarcasm, there is a deep current of questioning going on (starting around April). If you know my personal life, you know probably about half of the situations that I’ve been working through. Through this time I have had pretty much a consistent sense of faith, even developing a line to get me through most of the difficult times: ‘Cynicism, may it never screw up our faith.’ Most of this cynicism stems from a strong belief in Murphy’s Law, but I think what has happened recently is more that I have lost hope in some of the situations, and it was the hope that counteracted the cynicism.
Now in some situations hope has been restored, but it is in those places where doesn’t resurface that I find difficulty in working through. It is difficult to love, to care, and at times to even have a conversation. I want so very deeply to have hope, and I think I have been subconsciously searching for it since April, and only now can I explain what I’ve been looking for.
It isn’t so much that I want hope more than love, but rather I find I am only able to love when hope is there to counter cynicism. Faith doesn’t help there as I link faith to individual relationship with God. Hope might be better stated as faith or trust in a human person much like faith is in God (or at the very least a bad analogy). This gets all messy with the final line of 1Cor. 13: “Now these three remain; Faith, Hope, and Love, but the greatest of these is Love.” And I ask myself … ‘On this earth can you love a person without the faith or hope?’
If I’m honest with myself, I’m not sure I can.
'Can you have any one with one of the others missing?'
I dunno … and I wish I had an answer.
If you look through a few of my recent blogs that are not just random spouting of gibberish and sarcasm, there is a deep current of questioning going on (starting around April). If you know my personal life, you know probably about half of the situations that I’ve been working through. Through this time I have had pretty much a consistent sense of faith, even developing a line to get me through most of the difficult times: ‘Cynicism, may it never screw up our faith.’ Most of this cynicism stems from a strong belief in Murphy’s Law, but I think what has happened recently is more that I have lost hope in some of the situations, and it was the hope that counteracted the cynicism.
Now in some situations hope has been restored, but it is in those places where doesn’t resurface that I find difficulty in working through. It is difficult to love, to care, and at times to even have a conversation. I want so very deeply to have hope, and I think I have been subconsciously searching for it since April, and only now can I explain what I’ve been looking for.
It isn’t so much that I want hope more than love, but rather I find I am only able to love when hope is there to counter cynicism. Faith doesn’t help there as I link faith to individual relationship with God. Hope might be better stated as faith or trust in a human person much like faith is in God (or at the very least a bad analogy). This gets all messy with the final line of 1Cor. 13: “Now these three remain; Faith, Hope, and Love, but the greatest of these is Love.” And I ask myself … ‘On this earth can you love a person without the faith or hope?’
If I’m honest with myself, I’m not sure I can.
'Can you have any one with one of the others missing?'
I dunno … and I wish I had an answer.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Back to normal
I have peace again.
Been that way for about three or four weeks now, and life has just been good. This will be kinda conglomeration of two partially done blogs that make perfect sense in my head, but I need to cut some stuff out.
First off to all the graduates and pseudo-graduates (I say that because some of you have to take summer classes … close but not quite. And yea I know I’m taking a Fall quarter but your still not done either so neyah). You inspire us all simply by showing us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, although some is only a blip of light before there is that tunnel known as ‘job hunting’.
Good news from the Minstrel’s household, nothing I can share yet, but the whole family is really excited. I’ll share more after information is made ‘public’. For reference it is really hard for me to keep it in thus it is making a slight ‘taunting’ here. I went home for Dad’s day and we did some early family celebrating by playing lots of bridge (I played a 5 hearts hand that should have been a small slam, but ‘they’ were throwing out preempt bids that were screwing with everything.)
Now for the random tidbits...
Random thought of the moment: My friend Becca ROCKS. She just does; she may never read this … but she does.
The more I read Don Miller the more I really like him and the honesty with which he writes.
The spiritual gift of discernment is a blessing that feels like a curse sometimes. The curse is figuring out how to say what you know in love.
I might go up to Spirit West Coast this summer, I think the youth group back home has a few spare tickets if anyone is interested (Wed July 30th - Sun Aug 2).
And Finally:
This made sense when I wrote it … well I think it did.
There is a story to be told.
It isn’t mine and it may be yours.
For life is lived in the other with those around.
A balance of love and hate, now and again there is a twist of fate.
Where one might find joy the other will find pain.
Though the scales have fallen off, and the wounds have healed
There is a mark that reveals,
It shows the way forward by looking at the past.
Roads that have converged and divided.
Sometimes the road is traveled alone,
At others we move slowly along the thoroughfare,
Taking our time with those around.
We realize that there isn’t such a thing as ‘normal’
But rather just that which is.
And the roads we travel, whether alone or together, are the ones we choose.
I travel the path alone to meet myself;
I travel the path together to make sure I’m not lost.
Where we go from here is not so much about the company we wish to keep
But the question of which we need more: To lose ourselves or be found.
We go out seeking God
Yet God has always walked beside us in the busy thoroughfare;
We have just not seen it.
So to the roads we travel with wonder and reflection;
To the roads that we travel laughing and skipping.
May we travel together as long as God allows,
And meet again on the far side of the roads that part.
Been that way for about three or four weeks now, and life has just been good. This will be kinda conglomeration of two partially done blogs that make perfect sense in my head, but I need to cut some stuff out.
First off to all the graduates and pseudo-graduates (I say that because some of you have to take summer classes … close but not quite. And yea I know I’m taking a Fall quarter but your still not done either so neyah). You inspire us all simply by showing us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, although some is only a blip of light before there is that tunnel known as ‘job hunting’.
Good news from the Minstrel’s household, nothing I can share yet, but the whole family is really excited. I’ll share more after information is made ‘public’. For reference it is really hard for me to keep it in thus it is making a slight ‘taunting’ here. I went home for Dad’s day and we did some early family celebrating by playing lots of bridge (I played a 5 hearts hand that should have been a small slam, but ‘they’ were throwing out preempt bids that were screwing with everything.)
Now for the random tidbits...
Random thought of the moment: My friend Becca ROCKS. She just does; she may never read this … but she does.
The more I read Don Miller the more I really like him and the honesty with which he writes.
The spiritual gift of discernment is a blessing that feels like a curse sometimes. The curse is figuring out how to say what you know in love.
I might go up to Spirit West Coast this summer, I think the youth group back home has a few spare tickets if anyone is interested (Wed July 30th - Sun Aug 2).
And Finally:
This made sense when I wrote it … well I think it did.
There is a story to be told.
It isn’t mine and it may be yours.
For life is lived in the other with those around.
A balance of love and hate, now and again there is a twist of fate.
Where one might find joy the other will find pain.
Though the scales have fallen off, and the wounds have healed
There is a mark that reveals,
It shows the way forward by looking at the past.
Roads that have converged and divided.
Sometimes the road is traveled alone,
At others we move slowly along the thoroughfare,
Taking our time with those around.
We realize that there isn’t such a thing as ‘normal’
But rather just that which is.
And the roads we travel, whether alone or together, are the ones we choose.
I travel the path alone to meet myself;
I travel the path together to make sure I’m not lost.
Where we go from here is not so much about the company we wish to keep
But the question of which we need more: To lose ourselves or be found.
We go out seeking God
Yet God has always walked beside us in the busy thoroughfare;
We have just not seen it.
So to the roads we travel with wonder and reflection;
To the roads that we travel laughing and skipping.
May we travel together as long as God allows,
And meet again on the far side of the roads that part.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Random Musings
Had lunch w/ Mischievous B this afternoon. I just finished finals, she had slept in till 11:15.
We digressed to the following:
B: There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend. Well Jesus would be the perfect boyfriend if he wasn't all transparent (tries to hug the air)
A: Jesus would be the best boyfriend if he wasn't interested in everyone else.
Point to A.
We digressed to the following:
B: There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend. Well Jesus would be the perfect boyfriend if he wasn't all transparent (tries to hug the air)
A: Jesus would be the best boyfriend if he wasn't interested in everyone else.
Point to A.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Jaw Dropping
Click here. Yes it is deep deep science, bear with it and listen to the final few words.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Here and back … wait nope still here
Some random tidbits of mental depositing
Random Interweb Fact: xkcd. It will go over some people’s heads but there is enough in there that can be understood for basic humor. Knowledge of physics not needed for every comic.
Random Weird Fact: The night before I preached my sermon for class (so 5 days ago) I had a dream that I remembered. Since then I have fallen asleep with the simple prayer of “God help me remember my dreams” in addition to the rest of my conversation with God before I fall asleep. Result: 5 nights of dreams that I remember having. I just threw my dream journal back upstairs, time to take some notes.
Random Awesome Fact: Ironman. Go see it if you haven’t. Like go over to your movie showtime browser of choice and do it now. Not like tomorrow … Now! Yes it is that good. (And stay after the Credits)
Random Presby Fact: I am a candidate in the Presbyterian Church. For those who are not familiar with the Presbyterian process of ordination … that means that I am almost done, and the hard stuff is what is next.
Random School Fact: 4 more months of classes and 3 months of internship … that is it … WOW … (hasn’t fully sunk in yet).
Random Awareness Fact: Always try, and always say your piece. And then be willing to listen.
Random Monkey Fact: Kernie might be staying over for a week. SWEET! (Pocket hide your car)
Random Sermon Fact: Children’s sermons are always cooler if your sitting on a pink plastic stool only a foot high.
Random Music Fact: Trace Bundy is still brilliant. (Youtube)
Random Bonfire Fact: My guitar smells like burnt wood although it was nowhere near the flames.
That should do it. Oh wait ... Disneyland
Random Interweb Fact: xkcd. It will go over some people’s heads but there is enough in there that can be understood for basic humor. Knowledge of physics not needed for every comic.
Random Weird Fact: The night before I preached my sermon for class (so 5 days ago) I had a dream that I remembered. Since then I have fallen asleep with the simple prayer of “God help me remember my dreams” in addition to the rest of my conversation with God before I fall asleep. Result: 5 nights of dreams that I remember having. I just threw my dream journal back upstairs, time to take some notes.
Random Awesome Fact: Ironman. Go see it if you haven’t. Like go over to your movie showtime browser of choice and do it now. Not like tomorrow … Now! Yes it is that good. (And stay after the Credits)
Random Presby Fact: I am a candidate in the Presbyterian Church. For those who are not familiar with the Presbyterian process of ordination … that means that I am almost done, and the hard stuff is what is next.
Random School Fact: 4 more months of classes and 3 months of internship … that is it … WOW … (hasn’t fully sunk in yet).
Random Awareness Fact: Always try, and always say your piece. And then be willing to listen.
Random Monkey Fact: Kernie might be staying over for a week. SWEET! (Pocket hide your car)
Random Sermon Fact: Children’s sermons are always cooler if your sitting on a pink plastic stool only a foot high.
Random Music Fact: Trace Bundy is still brilliant. (Youtube)
Random Bonfire Fact: My guitar smells like burnt wood although it was nowhere near the flames.
That should do it. Oh wait ... Disneyland
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Fuzzy Logic
I’m finding that life, in general, is fuzzy for me. Not like cute cuddly fuzzy but more like your not sure if the fuzzy has retractable claws and is waiting to maul on you. Not exactly my favorite place to be, but I’m there none-the-less.
Most of it is a … well I don’t want to say wrestling match … but more of a discussion and talking out with God surrounding a variety of issues. The one that seems to be surfacing more often than not is ‘what happens in 5 months?’ That is starting to settle down and take shape but it is only a 3 month thing so the question is morphing into ‘what happens at the start of 2009. Those of you who I have mentioned this too have some idea about what I’ll be doing but for everyone else … I have an internship at Highlands Adventure church in Paso Robles that is almost finalized. For a little background this is a church that is about 2 years old, still classified as a church plan and has over 500 members. This year they had 1500 for Easter and 750 on low/cannonball Sunday (Sunday after Easter). Something up there is being done right and I’m very interested to see what is going on.
The other has been God nurturing me through an emotional and spiritual dry period. I have been pulling out my songs in minor keys, songs of feeling down, songs of trials and turning to God. They aren’t always the most enjoyable to sing, but they always seem to resonate with my mood. For some reason they always come in pairs though. A song that I’m going to sing for the public on Monday (Apr 28) that matches my mood almost verbatim, has been paired by a song that I would like to do as a corporate worship song. Both songs are a little out of my range but I think I can get the ‘mood’ song. The other I would probably drop for worship, but is one of those songs that catches the soul and draws one into worship. We will see … it doesn’t sound good if I’m the only one playing guitar either …
For all of this school seems to always be looming over my head. It is harder with most of my classes starting to shift towards the technical and nitty-gritty and is just hard to sit through. While I’m finding a new appreciation (and definition) for theology, it is still sometimes difficult to wrap my head around ideas.
Through all of this there is light at the end of the tunnel, although it is a little sad. My friend Sophie has taken a call (got a pastoral job) in Texas. There is hope, and while I will be sad to lose a friend in presence, I am exceedingly excited for her.
Came up for a quick breath and now back to school, back when I come back up for some more air.
Most of it is a … well I don’t want to say wrestling match … but more of a discussion and talking out with God surrounding a variety of issues. The one that seems to be surfacing more often than not is ‘what happens in 5 months?’ That is starting to settle down and take shape but it is only a 3 month thing so the question is morphing into ‘what happens at the start of 2009. Those of you who I have mentioned this too have some idea about what I’ll be doing but for everyone else … I have an internship at Highlands Adventure church in Paso Robles that is almost finalized. For a little background this is a church that is about 2 years old, still classified as a church plan and has over 500 members. This year they had 1500 for Easter and 750 on low/cannonball Sunday (Sunday after Easter). Something up there is being done right and I’m very interested to see what is going on.
The other has been God nurturing me through an emotional and spiritual dry period. I have been pulling out my songs in minor keys, songs of feeling down, songs of trials and turning to God. They aren’t always the most enjoyable to sing, but they always seem to resonate with my mood. For some reason they always come in pairs though. A song that I’m going to sing for the public on Monday (Apr 28) that matches my mood almost verbatim, has been paired by a song that I would like to do as a corporate worship song. Both songs are a little out of my range but I think I can get the ‘mood’ song. The other I would probably drop for worship, but is one of those songs that catches the soul and draws one into worship. We will see … it doesn’t sound good if I’m the only one playing guitar either …
For all of this school seems to always be looming over my head. It is harder with most of my classes starting to shift towards the technical and nitty-gritty and is just hard to sit through. While I’m finding a new appreciation (and definition) for theology, it is still sometimes difficult to wrap my head around ideas.
Through all of this there is light at the end of the tunnel, although it is a little sad. My friend Sophie has taken a call (got a pastoral job) in Texas. There is hope, and while I will be sad to lose a friend in presence, I am exceedingly excited for her.
Came up for a quick breath and now back to school, back when I come back up for some more air.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I Wanna get off the Ride Now
It is the first week of classes and I’m already spent; Physically, Mentally, Emotionally. Classes are, at best, what seem like mundane distractions. It isn’t so much that I don’t like them, but I “don’t have the emotional bandwidth” to deal with them (thanks Starla). About 25% of my iTunes library is off limits for one reason or another, and I repeat the axiom laid out by Jeff Bjork: ‘Enough: Enough is what God gives you.’
I’m not going to go into the full details but I am more broken now than I think I have ever been in my entire life. Questions that have no answers keep me up at night or wake me up every 2 hrs; either that or answers that only provide more questions.
On the good side of things I have never felt more like a prophet than I do now, the irony being that the prophecy would affect me directly. About 2 months ago I got up in front of chapel to reflect about community in front of the Presbyterian community. What was about a 5 min off the top of my head reflection is summed up along the lines of …
Never have I been so thankful for the friendships that I have here at Seminary. Some that have never experienced strife, others that were forged through conflict, and some that just fell into my lap out of nowhere. While I want to get off the ride, my friends have chosen to get on the ride with me and help me through the hard times.
Thank you.
I’m not going to go into the full details but I am more broken now than I think I have ever been in my entire life. Questions that have no answers keep me up at night or wake me up every 2 hrs; either that or answers that only provide more questions.
On the good side of things I have never felt more like a prophet than I do now, the irony being that the prophecy would affect me directly. About 2 months ago I got up in front of chapel to reflect about community in front of the Presbyterian community. What was about a 5 min off the top of my head reflection is summed up along the lines of …
This community is a group of people, we are not a structure of chapel or the structure of church, but rather we are a church of broken, stupid, foolish, sinful people (of which I think I lead some of the charge); but in that we have Christ and are commanded to be Christ-like to others. Seminary will chew you up and spit you out faster and more efficiently than the working world. It is only in the friendships and relationships that are developed here that you can survive. It is only in these relationships that you will learn how to be a pastor.
Never have I been so thankful for the friendships that I have here at Seminary. Some that have never experienced strife, others that were forged through conflict, and some that just fell into my lap out of nowhere. While I want to get off the ride, my friends have chosen to get on the ride with me and help me through the hard times.
Thank you.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Lenten Reflections
So I gave up listening to music when I have control of the sound system for Lent. What that basically means, is no leisure music around the house, in the car, when studying in the library, etc etc. Not quite as drastic as one of my former plans to try giving up playing guitar for Lent one year … that would have been bad.
What this results in is lots and lots of time to sit silently and think. Which can be both a good and bad thing. For the first week I just tried to entertain myself by putzing around on the internet watching movies on youtube, or playing small flash games online; neither of which is all that productive.
The tricky part has been the car drives. Even with music car drives have always been a time to just sit and muse about life, insanity, and solving the world’s problems. With about two weeks left, and finals looming on the horizon God has directed my attention to the darker parts of life. Not only in some of the class material we are discussing, but also in how real life has been manifesting itself. I have found myself dealing with very troubling life issues to which I have wanted to step away from, and it probably would have been the easier. In turn God guided me to preach a sermon on the topic of endurance and perseverance. I found it funny too.
For all these crazy things that have been going on it has been directed to getting to Good Friday. I have found that there are deep seeded understandings of Good Friday, and that while everyone likes it most of the time it seems to be a very personal experience. As planning has taken place some very beautiful gems have come out of the woodwork that have been put out on the alter of encountering the darkness that surrounds the day of the cross. Not so much that the day of the cross is dark to us, but rather that we often take part in Maundy Thursday and the Last Supper, and then skip right over to Easter without so much as a second glance at the importance of Good Friday. No disrespect intended, but we kinda have to kill Christ in order for him to raise himself back up. Can’t raise the living to life.
So in these moments of quiet and reflecting on God during the times of silence I have found more comfort with the darkness in my life. Granted I try to visit the darkness in my life. This is not to say that I go out and purposefully try to do bad things, but I take time to reflect on my actions and asking if they are in line with God’s Kingdom. These are also times where I normally visit the worst case of a scenario, normally to go that far, get it out of my system and then come back to the land of the insane.
It will be weird to go back to the noise of music come Easter, but at the same time I think I will find myself reflecting in times of silence more often. Although I apparently have about 5 CD’s that I need to catch up on.
What this results in is lots and lots of time to sit silently and think. Which can be both a good and bad thing. For the first week I just tried to entertain myself by putzing around on the internet watching movies on youtube, or playing small flash games online; neither of which is all that productive.
The tricky part has been the car drives. Even with music car drives have always been a time to just sit and muse about life, insanity, and solving the world’s problems. With about two weeks left, and finals looming on the horizon God has directed my attention to the darker parts of life. Not only in some of the class material we are discussing, but also in how real life has been manifesting itself. I have found myself dealing with very troubling life issues to which I have wanted to step away from, and it probably would have been the easier. In turn God guided me to preach a sermon on the topic of endurance and perseverance. I found it funny too.
For all these crazy things that have been going on it has been directed to getting to Good Friday. I have found that there are deep seeded understandings of Good Friday, and that while everyone likes it most of the time it seems to be a very personal experience. As planning has taken place some very beautiful gems have come out of the woodwork that have been put out on the alter of encountering the darkness that surrounds the day of the cross. Not so much that the day of the cross is dark to us, but rather that we often take part in Maundy Thursday and the Last Supper, and then skip right over to Easter without so much as a second glance at the importance of Good Friday. No disrespect intended, but we kinda have to kill Christ in order for him to raise himself back up. Can’t raise the living to life.
So in these moments of quiet and reflecting on God during the times of silence I have found more comfort with the darkness in my life. Granted I try to visit the darkness in my life. This is not to say that I go out and purposefully try to do bad things, but I take time to reflect on my actions and asking if they are in line with God’s Kingdom. These are also times where I normally visit the worst case of a scenario, normally to go that far, get it out of my system and then come back to the land of the insane.
It will be weird to go back to the noise of music come Easter, but at the same time I think I will find myself reflecting in times of silence more often. Although I apparently have about 5 CD’s that I need to catch up on.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Another Trip Around the Sun
Another year, another Super Bowl, and one more left at Fuller. It is quite a bit surreal at the moment. Not for the sake of being surreal but more that I have had some very pleasant and wonderful surprises come into formation in the past month that I’d like to share.
As for the B’day itself, I guess things started on Saturday with a visit down to the brother’s pad in Irvine and playing Guitar Hero on his ‘Christmas’ Wii as well as some fierce some battles of Mario vs Sonic Olympics by all members present. It was good to see some friends from home who came out to wish my brother a happy B’day and then watch the Super Bowl with him. I have pictures, but they all came out blurry, but that might be very appropriate for the evening. I, on the other hand, had to drive home and thus did not take part in the festivities.
My Birthday was slightly more entertaining and there are a set of photos from that outing, of which I did take part, nay, lead the festivities and had a wonderful time. I had many friends who were there to take care of me and make sure I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself. Mischievous B came out and played with me too, it was a good time.
Finally not 5 days later I got to preach my first sermon in front of a full congregation. I spend most of my teaching in smaller groups of high school kids, so this was a little different. I had a great group of folks come out and support me, which was a wonderful joy to have. We had an after party, which my brother came up to take part of along with my parents coming down to pay a visit.
As for the B’day itself, I guess things started on Saturday with a visit down to the brother’s pad in Irvine and playing Guitar Hero on his ‘Christmas’ Wii as well as some fierce some battles of Mario vs Sonic Olympics by all members present. It was good to see some friends from home who came out to wish my brother a happy B’day and then watch the Super Bowl with him. I have pictures, but they all came out blurry, but that might be very appropriate for the evening. I, on the other hand, had to drive home and thus did not take part in the festivities.
My Birthday was slightly more entertaining and there are a set of photos from that outing, of which I did take part, nay, lead the festivities and had a wonderful time. I had many friends who were there to take care of me and make sure I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself. Mischievous B came out and played with me too, it was a good time.
Finally not 5 days later I got to preach my first sermon in front of a full congregation. I spend most of my teaching in smaller groups of high school kids, so this was a little different. I had a great group of folks come out and support me, which was a wonderful joy to have. We had an after party, which my brother came up to take part of along with my parents coming down to pay a visit.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Sheesh has it been that long?
From October to January … good grief. I can’t even remember what was going on at the time (looks back at his calendar) … Oh now I remember. Yea … got past that stuff.
It is MLK weekend, I have gained more time to relax and unwind that I’m probably forgetting that I have something to do, but for now I’ll take a little ignorance. What I’m probably dealing with is a bit of left over vacation from Christmas break. I think Christmas was the first time I had some good time off for about 1 year. There was just something that was nutty about last year and I felt like I really didn’t have time off.
I cannot begin to tell ya’ll about how little I did over Christmas break. Well I did a lot but you know what I mean. I got to see many old friends and lots of youth group kids. Wished one of them a well being away to Austin, TX. He will be much missed when I go home. Did bunches of random stuff around the house, got cool new toys (see below) and all in all had a wonderful time at home.
One of the things that has kept me sane this whole time has been a Disneyland annual pass. I have been to Disneyland 3 times since September with plans to go more as the year continues. More than anything it is just a wonderful time out to goof off and get away from the think tank that is at home. Or at least be able to think clearly. Fuller seems so crowded sometimes. I’ll take a 20 min line and it is a little more open than the atmosphere on Fuller. Or maybe that is just the goofball in me.
Speaking of Fuller …
I’m taking Presbyterian History and Programs (feels like a one sided review of history, but there is a stronger sense of Reformed theology so I connect with it a bit better), Homiletics (Preaching - excited and nervous), and Biblical Organization Leadership (Now that you’re a leader, what do you do with the rest of the church body?). I’m auditing Leadership in Youth Ministry (Chapland - woo hoo!), and am continuing my internship in Burbank (Preaching in Feb, Doing Good Friday in March).
My birthday is coming up and all I would really like is to not have a midterm the next day. I have some stuff that I can't talk about yet, but I'm super excited! But for now … as the daily show would say … your moment of Zen …
This truck was being towed down the mountain due to heavy snow.
It is MLK weekend, I have gained more time to relax and unwind that I’m probably forgetting that I have something to do, but for now I’ll take a little ignorance. What I’m probably dealing with is a bit of left over vacation from Christmas break. I think Christmas was the first time I had some good time off for about 1 year. There was just something that was nutty about last year and I felt like I really didn’t have time off.
I cannot begin to tell ya’ll about how little I did over Christmas break. Well I did a lot but you know what I mean. I got to see many old friends and lots of youth group kids. Wished one of them a well being away to Austin, TX. He will be much missed when I go home. Did bunches of random stuff around the house, got cool new toys (see below) and all in all had a wonderful time at home.
One of the things that has kept me sane this whole time has been a Disneyland annual pass. I have been to Disneyland 3 times since September with plans to go more as the year continues. More than anything it is just a wonderful time out to goof off and get away from the think tank that is at home. Or at least be able to think clearly. Fuller seems so crowded sometimes. I’ll take a 20 min line and it is a little more open than the atmosphere on Fuller. Or maybe that is just the goofball in me.
Speaking of Fuller …
I’m taking Presbyterian History and Programs (feels like a one sided review of history, but there is a stronger sense of Reformed theology so I connect with it a bit better), Homiletics (Preaching - excited and nervous), and Biblical Organization Leadership (Now that you’re a leader, what do you do with the rest of the church body?). I’m auditing Leadership in Youth Ministry (Chapland - woo hoo!), and am continuing my internship in Burbank (Preaching in Feb, Doing Good Friday in March).
My birthday is coming up and all I would really like is to not have a midterm the next day. I have some stuff that I can't talk about yet, but I'm super excited! But for now … as the daily show would say … your moment of Zen …
This truck was being towed down the mountain due to heavy snow.
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